


Quidditch Season

by wickersnap



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bill taught them all bad habits by accident but he's still their responsible older brother, Fluff, Harry Potter's awful contact names, Hogwarts Fourth Year, Hogwarts Third Year, Humor, Multi, Probably Crack, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, draco/harry is slow, group chat au, percy and oliver are sixth years rather than seventh years for plot convenience, the weasleys adopt Harry and Charlie is a g
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickersnap/pseuds/wickersnap
Summary: Quaffle: big day todayQuaffle: we’ve gotta beat ravenclaw if it kills usJohnson: ollie it’s three amJohnson: why the fuck are you awakeQuaffle: because fuck you that’s why
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Fred Weasley/Oliver Wood, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 128
Kudos: 206





	1. Third Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this for a laugh and ended up with more to work with than I expected, so I don't know how regularly I'll end up updating  
> Otherwise, please enjoy!  
> (let me know if it's hard to figure out who's who, I tried to make it easy)

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Monday 08:42

Quaffle: so

Quaffle: quidditch season coming up

Johnson: Oliver it’s September

Bell: we’ve been at school three days

_ Norberta left _

Spinnet: oop he noticed

**Shut up Bill**

Monday 08:42

Norberta: STOP ADDING ME TO THE QUIDDITCH TEAM CHAT

Greckles: why though

Freckles: it’s funny

Greckles: also wood absolutely has a crush on you

Norberta: Never have I heard something more bs than that

Bill: you guys…

_ Headboy changed the group name to Weasleys _

Ginny: ok killjoy

Headboy: Bill shouldn’t you be at work?

Bill: I would be if my phone didn’t keep going off

Ronald: soz Bill

You: Please never say soz ever again 

You: I  _ will _ tell Hermione what you said about Crookshanks just now

Ronald: my sincerest apologies

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Monday 08:44

Quaffle: anyway

Quaffle: I want you all starting your practises before we get our official training nights sorted

Johnson: what about tryouts??? Ollie????

Quaffle: we don’t have time for tryouts angie we need to win

Quaffle: we have a perfect team already why am I going to waste time making a new one

Quaffle: as if they’d be as good as you anyway

Freckles: if it ain’t broke

Greckles: don’t replace it

Johnson: Oliver.

Quaffle: fine but practise as if it’s gonna be the same anyway

Bell: uh classes started three minutes ago

Quaffle: shite

Spinnet: hahahaha lmao

**Lads on tour**

Saturday 02:19

Totspurs: Does Crookshanks ever sleep

Nevillle: ??

Shay: hwat the duck is this cat doin in our room

You: Who left the door open?

Totspurs: Probably you mate

You: Damn

Nevillle: He likes you most anyway

Nevillle: Crookshanks I mean

Shay: ok but cna i sleep now

Totspurs: Sorry dude

You: Night 

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Friday 16:04

Quaffle: where are you all

Quaffle: hurry up

Johnson: gee hold on 

Spinnet: one more sentence and I’ll be down

Bell: …when is this essay due

Spinnet: last period

Bell: Alicia!

Spinnet: it’s fine Sprout likes me i’ll give it to her after dinner

Bell: >:( you told me you had no homework

Spinnet: I’m sorry I forgot

You: Why is the door to the changing rooms locked?

You: George and I are stuck out here

Freckles: what??

Quaffle: damn it’s stuck I think

Freckles: oh okay 

Freckles: yeah you’re right 

Freckles: hold on step back

Quaffle: you did not have to kick the door in

Freckles: no but I wanted to ;)

Greckles: more fun that way ;)

Freckles: see george understadns me

Freckles: understands

Bell: I don’t think there’s anyone in the school who doubts that

Quaffle: now hurry up you lot!

**Lads on tour**

Saturday 00:47

Shay: do you think malfoy would run away screaming if we tried that dementor trick on him

Totspurs: The one from Creatures?

Shay: ya

Totspurs: Genius

Ronald: unparalleled

You: Worth a try

Nevillle: I’d love to see his face if you did

Nevillle: but can we discuss this sometime other than one am?

Shay: :(

Totspurs: oi Harry do you still have those League stickers you said your cousin dumped?

You: yeah course do you want them now?

Totspurs: nah wait until morning

Totspurs: but cheers

Nevillle: Sleep

Shay: ron’s already snoring again how d’you expect us to do that

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Saturday 03:12

Quaffle: I hope all of you are up and ready

Quaffle: big day today

Quaffle: we’ve gotta beat ravenclaw if it kills us

Johnson: ollie it’s three am

Johnson: why the fuck are you awake

Quaffle: because fuck you that’s why

Quaffle: get your arses in gear and get down to the pitch

Freckles: literally no

Quaffle: dude

Freckles: no,  _ dude _

Freckles: it is 3 am. This is ridiculous

Freckles: you barely sleep as it is whith all your midnight flying

You: I’ve just noticed but do you all have your autocaps turned off wtf

Spinnet: yall shut up im tryna sleep

Quaffle: but ravenclaw

Freckles: oliver go to fucking sleep

Quaffle: :(

Quaffle: fine but be up on time

Bell: Fred how did you do that

Freckles: magic

Freckles: also why are you all awake

Johnson: phone 

Bell: the notifications woke me up

You: Nightmare

Bell: D:

Bell: are you okay Harry???

You: Yeah I’m all right dw about me

Johnson: you can tell us anything any time you know

Spinnet: yeah Harry we love you and you can come by and chat about whatever you want

You: No really it was a dumb one this time

You: Seamus was pouring water into a full swimming pool with a shot glass and Hermione fell in wearing a nightdress

Greckles: how is this a nightmare 

You: That was before McGonagall, sitting marking papers on a plastic garden chair, started yelling at us

Spinnet: yeah ok I see that tbf

Spinnet: but also please god can everyone let me sleep

07:34

Quaffle: can I please start practise now

Greckles: no

Freckles: no

Johnson: no

Bell: please let us eat Oliver

Quaffle: for gods sake you lot

Quaffle: hurry up

Johnson: I’m gonna add percy if you don’t stop giving us ridiculous schedules

Quaffle: you wouldn’t

Freckles: if she doesn’t we will

Quaffle: fred I thought we were friends

Freckles: you know exactly what we are wood but I am not sacrificing my breakfast

Katie: uh

Spinnet: am I hearing a scandal?

Greckles: when aren’t we a scandal ;)

You: What is going on

You: Also Ron didn’t wake me up I’m still in bed

Quaffle: Harry come on

Quaffle: don’t do this to me

You: Blame Ron

Greckles: gladly

You: Down in five

Quaffle: pitchside in half an hour, all of you, no excuses

Spinnet: ugh

Johnson: yes cap

Freckles: yes cap

You: Yes cap

Greckles: aye aye

Bell: yes cap!

**Lads on tour**

Saturday 07:37

Ronald: Harry where tf are you

You: I bloody wonder

Shay: you didn’t wake him up did you

Totspurs: He didn’t

Nevillle: He didn’t

Ronald: well crap

You: Exactly

You: Thanks Ron

Ronald: sorry mate

You: No it’s fine I just have to run now

**Snape Sucks**

Saturday 07:40

Crookshanks: Harry did I just see you fall over a sofa

You: Mo

You: Gtg quifditch practise

Ronald: you’re gonna fall if you text while you’re running

Crookshanks: Oh as if you’re one to talk

Ronald: hey!

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Saturday 15:23

Spinnet: did I leave my jumper in the changing rooms

Bell: dw I’ve got it!

Spinnet: I love you

Freckles: ew affection

Greckles: disgusting

Bell: I love you too <3

Bell: you’re just jealous 

Greckles: definitely not

You: I wouldn’t be surprised

Quaffle: spinnet stop losing your uniform

Johnson: pretty sure I saw half of yours in percy’s bed like yesterday

Quaffle: why were you in our room?????

Johnson: I leant him some books

Quaffle: oh those ok

Greckles: oooo oliverrrrr

Freckles: are you, per chance,

Greckles: hiding something?

Quaffle: what? No!

You: Sounds… suspicious… 

Freckles: see, everyone agrees

Quaffle: fred… 

Quaffle: that’s just harry 

Bell: no, we agree

Johnson: yeah we do

Spinnet: he doth protest too much

Greckles: did you even get that right

Spinnet: dunno

Johnson: still doesn’t explain why percy had your stuff all over his place

Quaffle: he wanted me to tidy up so I put it on his bed in protest

Spinnet: ok child

Bell: so what was it you were worried about angie finding?

Quaffle: I said, nothing!

Johnson: it’s probably the photos he has of him and Charlie

Quaffle: damnit johnson did you go through my stuff

Johnson: no

Spinnet: yeah she did

Freckles: hahahahaha

Greckles: Charlie?? Really? You still have that crush on him?

Quaffle: I never had a crush on him ffs

Quaffle: we’re  _ friends _

Greckles: what like fred and I friends or percy friends?

Spinnet: what… does that even mean………

Quaffle: I have no clue


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George Weasley, Chief Detective >:)

**Weasleys**

Saturday 15:36

Greckles: okay I’m tired of this now which one of you fuckers is shagging wood

Ronald: ???? what

Greckles: please don’t say it’s you I will kill myself

Freckles: and then ollie

Ronald: IT;S NOT ME

You: It’s not him

You: And it’s not me either, before you ask

Freckles: I would bloody well hope not

Norberta: Wait wjat? Rae you talkjing about olvver?

Greckles: are you on your phone when you’re supposed to not be being eaten by a dragon?

Freckles: you know how well that went last time

Norberta: No… 

Norberta: Not anymore

Norberta: And it isn’t me

Headboy: Fred, George, what on earth are you talking about?

Bill: who’s shagging Wood?

You: That’s what we’re trying to find out apparently

You: George is convinced it’s one of you

Bill: why?

You: No clue

Ginny: sounds legit

Ronald: wouldn’t it be percy?

Ronald: ginny you’re like twelve don’t listen to them

Headboy: No!

Ginny: piss off ron

Greckles: I am not convinced

Norberta: Well it’s still not me

Norberta: I’m in the wrong country

Freckles: that doesn’t matter, does it?

Norberta: I was his captain

Freckles: …that doesn’t matter either

Bill: fred

Freckles: what????

Greckles: ugh you lot are useless

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Saturday 15:40

Greckles: ok wood I’ll ask straight up 

Greckles: are you dating our brother?

Quaffle: no!

Quaffle: wait which one

Greckles: percy

Greckles: wait what the fuck do you mean which one

Johnson: Oliver… 

**Weasleys**

Saturday 15:42

Greckles: JPEG_3721

Greckles: and you asked why I was asking

Bill: I don’t believe you lot sometimes

Ginny: this was never going to end well

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Saturday 15:43

Quaffle: no I am not dating percy

Quaffle: and ‘which one’ is a very valid question

Quaffle: there are four of you in the castle right now and one sister, ‘our’ could have been any combination

Spinnet: you’re so shifty fuck off hahahaha

Quaffle: I am telling the truth

Greckles: no you’re bloody well not

Greckles: I’ve seen you hide those bites and I know you’re close with our brothers

Quaffle: you keep saying our

Quaffle: who is out

Quaffle: *our

Freckles: you’re out lol

Greckles: well I thought it was obvious but now I don’t know!!!! What’s going on!!!!

Greckles: are you snogging percy? Are you drooling over charlie?? I don’t know

Quaffle: none of the above

Greckles: then I swear to god

Greckles: who are you dating

Quaffle: who says I’m dating anyone

Johnson: most of us tbh

Spinnet: is it Flint

Quaffle: WHAT

Spinnet: are you hate fucking

Quaffle: NO

Quaffle: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Freckles: well thank god for that i suppose

Bell: ewww but I can see it happening

Greckles: katie???

Greckles: anyway never mind

Greckles: Oliver. Who are you dating. Spit it out.

Quaffle: no

Greckles: ollie

Greckles: ollieeeeeeeeee

Greckles: ollieeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Greckles: ollie ollie ollie 

Spinnet: oi oi oi

Greckles: ollie ollie ollie ollie ollie ollie ollie ollie

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: wood

Greckles: I’ll start telling people you shag flint

Greckles: wood

Greckles: oliver wood

Greckles: captain

Greckles: our lovely wonderful captain

Greckles: please tell us

Quaffle: freddie ffs please get him to stop

Greckles: … 

Freckles: why it’s funny

Quaffle: :c

Quaffle: for you maybe

Bell: oh my god

Quaffle: what

Quaffle:  _ what? _

Quaffle: why have all of you gone silent all of a sudden? I can hear Harry and Angelina laughing from all the way up here!!

Johnson: ‘freddie’

Quaffle: oh shit

Quaffle: um

Quaffle: no wait

Quaffle: no wait that was a mistype

Freckles: ollie

Freckles: my love

Freckles: you’re an absolute moron

Quaffle: I am

Quaffle: I really, really am

Quaffle: I could have played that off couldn’t I

You:  _ Freddie _

Quaffle: fuuuuuuuuck

Spinnet: oooooh Freddie’s cap’n’s favourite!! Freddie’s cap’n’s favourite!!!

Freckles: uh George

Greckles: Fred

Bell: oh no please don’t fight

Greckles: all right do either of you actually want to tell me how long this has been happening because fuck you

Greckles: I am feeling  _ very _ put out right now

Freckles: Georgie I’m sorry

Greckles: you’d better be you bastard

You: Oh no they disappeared

Johnson: please tell me you’re talking privately and not fighting 

Quaffle: please kill me

16:03

Greckles: we’re fine

Greckles: now I’ve gotta go threaten our own team captain

Greckles: jesus christ

Spinnet: oh my godddddd ahahahaha you losers

Freckles: I have never been a loser in my life

Quaffle: please god stop

Quaffle: oh no he really did mean now I’m going to run bye

You: Amazing

Freckles: glad to be of entertainment

**Weasleys**

Saturday 16:07

Norberta: JPEG_2014

Norberta: JPEG_2015

Norberta: JPEG_2016

Norberta: Stop adding me to the chat if you don’t want me exposing you like this

Ginny: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ginny: BRILLIANT

_ Ginny changed the group name to Gay Disasters _

Freckles: I will have you know that I am a bisexual disaster

Bill: as am I

Greckles: I’m gay

You: You are???

Freckles: with the way he goes on you never wouldv’e guessed, would you

Greckles: oi drop the sarcasm

Norberta: Wow my family is stupid

Bill: I can’t believe I worked it out before George did this is a miracle

Ginny: by like five minutes

_ Ginny changed the group name to Bisexual Disasters _

Bill: it was at least ten

Ronald: ginny you’re 12

Ginny: and you can shut the hell your mouth

Greckles: I’m upset don’t any of you want to at least be sympathetic

Ronald: no

Freckles: you’re upset?  _ You’re upset?? _

Freckles: okay we’re both upset, and rightly so, but for crying out loud

Greckles: okay but I did not think it was you

Greckles: I knew you had a crush but I was trying to help

Greckles: I want you to be happy!

Freckles: please stop revealing my secrets

Greckles: >:(

Freckles: >:(

Freckles: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ok please have mercy

Bill: don’t you want to talk about this privately?

Greckles: it’s fine billiam

Greckles: I just need my time to lie dramatically over one of those long sofa things and bemoan the existence of all of my brothers

Ronald: well that’s rude

Greckles: especially you

You: >:(

Greckles: you’re all right ron 

You: :)

Ronald: did you just

You: Hermione said she’ll help us with that werewolf essay come on where are you

Ronald: coming

Ginny: whipped

Bill: Ginny…

Freckles: is she wrong

**Snape Sucks**

Sunday 19:34

Ronald: Harry why are you staring at my brother

You: What

You: No I’m not

Ronald: yeah you are

You: I was staring into space

Crookshanks: Leave him alone, Ron

Ronald: don’t think I haven’t seen you do it too

Crookshanks: Ron!

Ronald: all right all right

Ronald: merlin’s pants

Ronald: don’t get your knickers in a twist

Crookshanks: I’ll twist your knickers in a minute Ron Weasley

Ronald: look it’s just that they’re both taken ok and it’s a bit >:/ with you two watching them

Crookshanks: Sorry Ron, I promise it’s not that

You: It isn’t?

You: I mean

You: It’s not

Ronald: really convincing

You: I’m  _ thinking, _ all right

Crookshanks: Wait who’s Fred dating??

Ronald: wood

You: Wood

Crookshanks: Oh wow, really?

Ronald: please don’t make me go through that again

Crookshanks: ?

You: It’s a long story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, all typos/bad grammar/terrible punctuation are kept on purpose. It's what I'm calling personality


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally,,, Slytherin Qudditch practise

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Sunday 08:29

Spinnet: do you know I think watching oliver and fred pretend nothing’s happened is one of the funniest things I’ve seen all year

Greckles: they’re so stupid

Greckles: I hate them

Freckles: no you don’t

Greckles: yeah I do

Freckles: <3

Greckles: :P

Quaffle: do you think we could get in an hour of practise

Johnson: absolutely not

Bell: oliver we have homework to do

Quaffle: but slytherin

Freckles: oi give us a break

Freckles: flint booked the pitch remember

Quaffle: damnit

Johnson: you’re right this is hilarious

Quaffle: can you lot stop

Bell: no :)

Bell: oh but I do have an idea

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Sunday 08:42

_Bell added you_

_ Bell added unsaved contact [bletchleypark] _

_ Bell added unsaved contact [montagne] _

Quaffle: oh no this is a horrible idea

_ Bell added unsaved contact [dracoluciusmalfoy] _

Unsaved contact [mflint]: what is this

Unsaved contact [bowl]: oh this is horrible

Bletchley: why the fuck am I here

You: Katie what have you done

Malfoy: Oh good, it’s Potter

You: Fuck off

Malfoy: Language

Warrington: don’t you bloody start

Greckles: oooh, fancy seeing you here

Spinnet: Katie…

Bell: I am here to make a proposal

Flint: Let’s hear it

Bell: joint practise

Malfoy: No way

Derrick: ha don’t think so

Freckles: no

Montague: absolutely not

Johnson: told you it would go down terribly

Bell: >:(

Bell: at least hear me out, you arses!

Bole: what kind of rubbish

Derrick: this is the worst thing I’ve ever heard

Spinnet: SHUT UP AND LET HER SPEAK

Bell: okay?

Bell: thank you

Bell: you guys hate each other

Bell: we get it

You: understatement of the year

Greckles: shush

Bell: but I think that would be a great motivating factor, if we can keep you from sending each other to the hospital wing

Bell: it also means we both get in some real team v team practise

Bell: and I know how much you’re dying to beat each other

Bletchley: flint you can’t seriously be considering this

Flint: She does have a point

Bletchley: yeah and you want to suck up to wood so he likes you

Quaffle: ?

Freckles: what the fuck

Flint: Bletchley if you don’t stop spouting dumb shit I’ll throw you through your goddamn hoops myself

Flint: Bell has a point

Quaffle: she does

Malfoy: Oh Merlin are you agreeing? Are you actually agreeing?

_ You removed Malfoy _

Greckles: power move

Bell: I don’t remember giving you admin

_ Bell added Malfoy _

Bell: behave

Malfoy: Potter doesn’t!

Flint: Behave squirt

Malfoy: Gee Bletchley’s right after all

_ Flint removed Malfoy _

Greckles: anywho

Greckles: all in favour say aye?

Quaffle: I think we need to discuss this first

Flint: North corridor third floor twenty minutes?

Quaffle: aye ok

Warrington: actually how did Bell get our numbers

Freckles: i’m coming with you

Spinnet: awwwwww

Johnson: aww freddie

Quaffle: I don’t need an escort 

Warrington: is no one concerned about this?

Flint: What the hell d’you think I’m gonna do

Warrington: anyone?

Flint: Okay right I get it

Bell: @Warrington ;)

_ Bell added Malfoy _

Flint: can you behave?

Malfoy: I’m not a child

You: Apparently not

Malfoy: I hate you

You: Yeah I got that

Spinnet: side eyes

Greckles: what does that mean

Greckles: o h

Freckles: oh indeed

Bole: oh indeed

Montague: this is such a waste of time

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Tuesday 18:34

Spinnet: guess who just got caught snogging outside the common room

Quaffle: I will put you on laps

Spinnet: that’s if you can get out of fred’s

You: Oh Jesus

Greckles: get ittt

Freckles: actually go away

**Bisexual Disasters**

Tuesday 18:43

Ginny: ok fred and oliver are gross

Ronald: what the hell is going on w that

Bill: stop sticking your noses where they don’t belong

Norberta: One of these days one of you is gonna find something you regret

Greckles: been there, done that, this is nothing

Greckles: anyway here

Greckles: JPEG_3765

Ronald: ew wtf

Bill: George no

Greckles: aw cmon

You: Did you have to

Greckles: do you have to pay more attention to malfoy than the snitch? No but you do anyway

Greckles: :)

You: That’s because he’s a git

19:03

Freckles: GEORGE

21:02

Greckles: charlie did you have to snitch to wood that I sort of indirectly told you about them

Ginny: karma

Norberta: I just wanted to do my duty as your older brother

Freckles: oh come  _ on _

**Snape Sucks**

Wednesday 09:13

You: Hermione are you okay?

Crookshanks: I’m fine

Ronald: holy shit mione that was incredible

Crookshanks: I can’t stand her

Crookshanks: It’s all such utter shite she is  _ not _ worth my time

You: Tbf she’s predicted my death like six times already

Crookshanks: Exactly!! As if you don’t have enough on your plate!

You: Eh it’s all right

Ronald: surprisingly the hardest part is bs ing the homework

Crookshanks: Ugh

Crookshanks: Anyway put your phones away before she catches you

Saturday 11:36

Ronald: Malfoy is asking where you are mate

Crookshanks: He really needs to get a life

You: Ask him if he misses me that much

Ronald: ew no ask him yourself

You: Fine then

**Draco Arseface Malfoy**

Saturday 11:39

You: Miss me that much do you

Malfoy: Are you insane?

Malfoy: I’m just wondering why your groupies have gone anywhere without you

You: Well while you’re out being an arse I’m enjoying a nice chat with Lupin

You: So shove off

Malfoy: You shove off Potter

You: Child

**Snape Sucks**

Saturday 11:43

You: JPEG_0134

Ronald: why am I alive

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 19:33

Bletchley: yo what’s all the fuss about?

You: Sirius Black

Montague: what really

Freckles: he’s slashed our portrait trying to get in

Flint: Holy shit

Malfoy: Did he get you Potter?

Johnson: piss off you little shit

Johnson: this is serious

You: No it’s Sirius

Johnson: …

Spinnet: nice one

Bole: oh look now we can just shout across the hall at each other instead of texting

Bell: where’s the fun in that

You: The fun is punching Malfoy in the goddamn face

Quaffle: Harry you’re staying with us and Ron and Granger

Quaffle: Flint keep your little brat over there

Flint: Are you sure you don’t want him

Quaffle: no

Quaffle: give him to Davies or something if you must but keep him somewhere that isn’t here

Malfoy: You’re all horrible people

You: Says the worst of them all

Spinnet: all right everyone go to sleep

Spinnet: or I will dump water on all of your faces in the morning

Freckles: aye aye

Greckles: night all

Derrick: don’t let Black bite

Bole: that was terrible

Derrick: shut up

Thursday 12:55

Malfoy: Potter’s doing something stupid again and because none of you believe me you can bear witness to it here

Malfoy: MOV_0024

Montague: fucks sake

Warrington: see what you’ve done Bell?

Greckles: you really arent helping yourself are you Harry

Quaffle: is that a pool cue

Bell: where the hell did they get that

Derrick: fucking gryffs

Derrick: did not wanna see Trelawneys ankles today but here we are

Spinnet: ??????

Spinnet: you doing okay over there peregrine falcon??

Spinnet: is some ankle a bit much for you?

Spinnet: I can go one step further in the scandalous body parts if you’d like and show you my calf

Bell: he’s not worth it

Johnson: none of them are

Warrington: why were ankles scandalous

Greckles: why, but they’re the pathway to the gates of pleasure, darling!

Freckles: not that either of or would know anything about that

Freckles: *you

Warrington: Excuse me

Greckles: oh speak for yourself lover boy

Greckles: I can see you right now

Freckles: don’t you dare take any more photos you bastard

Flint: Why is this conversation happening?

You: Malfoy

Malfoy: Potter

Bletchley: for the love of all that is sacred obliviate me and send me to antarctica

Flint: No can do we have practise this evening

Quaffle: hey I booked the pitch

Flint: Suck my dick

Quaffle: Fuck off

Bell: how about

Bell: we do what I suggested

Bell: the reason this chat exists

Bell: :)

Flint: Ok

Quaffle: fine

Malfoy: HWAT

Montague: what no

Freckles:  _ what _

Bole: no!

Quaffle: I want all of you pitchside four oclock sharp

Flint: That goes for you too my lot

Johnson: I’ll join you in antarctica @Bletchley

Bletchley: I’ll have a room ready for you

Bletchley: and a bottle of vodka

Johnson: I’ll drink to that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I moved the timeline around a bit with Hermione leaving divination early but I felt like it


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all having fun! I am :)

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Thursday 18:21

Greckles: you know what was disturbing about that?

Freckles: angie actually getting along with Bleh-ley

Johnson: you could have too if you weren’t trying to knock Flint off his broom the whole time

Freckles: he deserved it

Flint: Oi I’m still Slytherin captain

Greckles: don’t mean shit to us mate

Johnson: >:(

Greckles: <3

Spinnet: ew

Freckles: you’re just jealous

You: Not again

Montague: can yall be quiet please

Derrick: why tf are you texting when you’re all eating at the same table?

Spinnet: it’s funnier when Lee doesn’t know what’s going on

Malfoy: There’s a no phones rule at meals don’t you know

Malfoy: Stupid gryffindors

You: Pretty sure there isn’t

Bole: hate to break it to you malfoy

Bole: he’s right

Malfoy: What the Fuck

Flint: I told you that so you’d stop

Malfoy: I’m telling my father

Flint: No you aren’t shut up and get off your phone

You: Lmao he really did I can see him from here

Spinnet: wow it actually worked

Greckles: Harry how about you stop watching Malfoy then maybe you’ll stop dropping peas in your lap

You: Shut up George

Freckles: okay but he was right

Warrington: I hate this school

Greckles: but I’m here :(

Warrington: exactly?

Greckles: </3

Warrington: what the hell are you on about

Freckles: ah ignorance must be bliss

Quaffle: Fred leave him alone

Freckles: fine

You: Whipped

Freckles: shut the hell up

Spinnet: we should add your sister

Greckles: don’t you  _ dare _

Freckles: you’ll infect her with slytherin slime

Bole: god you lot are insufferable

**Lads on tour**

Friday 05:43

Nevillle: Who forgot to close the window

Ronald: it’s so cold wtf

Ronald: wait that might have been me

Totspurs: I hope you suffer

Ronald: no come on you know how bad I am at warming charms

You: That sucks

Ronald: Harry!!!!

You: What a shame

Ronald: :(

**Snape Sucks**

Friday 05:45

Ronald: hermione Harry’s being mean to me

Crookshanks: Did you leave the window open

Ronald: how did you know

Ronald: Harry how did she know did you tell her

You: No

Crookshanks: Okay why is Fred on a skateboard

Ronald: ??

Crookshanks: He’s

You: Oj my god

You: dbfhdlad

Ronald: Harry??

Ronald: Hermione?

Ronald: anyone?

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Friday 05:56

Greckles: we may have a problem

Montague: is this anything to do with the screaming

Greckles: maybe

Johnson: FRED JUST FUCKING FREE FELL FIVE FLOORS HOW ARE YOU SO CALM

Warrington: he  _ what _

Greckles: in my defence it was his idea

Spinnet: to skateboard down the bannister?????

Bell: on MOVING staircases????

You: The  _ stone _ bannister

Warrington: Merlin’s fucking beard

Quaffle: HE WHAT

Quaffle: FRED

Greckles: ollie get to the hospital wing now 

Johnson: he’s panicking p bad I’m bringing him with Percy

You: Fucking hell Hermione’s getting Ginny and I’m bringing Ron

You: I don’t think I’ve seen McGonagall this scared and furious at the same time

Greckles: we both got cushoning charms below him so I dont think its tpp bad

Greckles: therre isnt really nay blood except a few grazes

Spinnet: he’s dislocated his shoulder and broken his arm and wrist

Bell: george I think you need to sit down

Greckles: okay

**Bisexual Disasters**

Friday 06:43

You: So Fred’s okay

Bill: what happened to Fred?

You: Wait did none of them tell you? Oh my god

Ginny: he fell

Norberta: How badly did he fall

Headboy: Five flights down the hall of staircases, free-falling, until he landed on another staircase

Bill: holy fuck

Bill: have they owled mum and dad

Ronald: yeah

Ginny: I think they had to say why

Bill: and why was it?

Ginny: he tried to grind down the bannister on a skateboard

Norberta: Prepare for a howler

Ronald: yeah we know

Bill: how’s george

Greckles: fine

Headboy: Shaken

Greckles: I’m fine

Greckles: he just started it before I could do the charms that’s all

You: Oliver’s pissed

Norberta: I can imagine

07:04

Freckles: I am back!!!

Bill: Fred don’t you dare do something so stupid ever again

Freckles: we had charms!! I’m fine see?

Freckles: JPEG_2387

Freckles: :)

Norberta: That’s cute but please try not to do things that’ll get you killed

Freckles: we’re fiiiiine

You: You scared the crap out of us

Ronald: ginny was crying

Ginny: so were you

Freckles: I’m sorry

Greckles: let me do the charms first next time you twat

Freckles: okay

Freckles: so anyway did you lot hear about sirius black breaking into the school

Norberta: Yeah what the absolute hell

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Tuesday 12:13

You: So McGonagall almost stopped me doing evening quidditch practise

Quaffle: WHAT

You: Calm down she’s sending Hooch to supervise instead

Quaffle: oh okay sure

You: Black’s after me so they don’t like me being on my own

Freckles: he’s what

You: Yeah I heard your dad talking about it with your mum before school started but McG just said it too

Greckles: Merlin’s balls

You: So now Percy’s following me everywhere

Freckles: that’s even worse

Spinnet: does anyone mind if I do an experiment

You: No go ahead

Spinnet: ok dw keep chatting

Greckles: so Black slashed the fat lady trying to get to you?

You: Supposedly

You: Hermione says we’re really lucky he picked halloween

You: What I don’t understand is how he missed everyone in the hall

Freckles: that is a good point

Freckles: you don’t think he’s coming through some secret passage do you?

You: I wouldn’t know any of them

Greckles: I guess we can check and see

Freckles: good idea

You: Don’t you dare get hurt

Greckles: don’t worry dearest Harry darling

Greckles: we’re perfectly safe

Spinnet: Quidditch

Quaffle: what about it?

Spinnet: bingo

Bell: good god oliver

Freckles: it’s like a summons

Greckles: have you charmed your phone to alert you to the word quidditch

Quaffle: no

Johnson: he probably has

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Friday 20:23

Johnson: FUCK YOU FLINT

Flint: It’s not my fault is it

Freckles: THIS IS SABOTAGE

Malfoy: Best get your heads on straight for tomorrow, yes?

You: This is all your fucking fault Malfoy

You: You’re not even hurt you lying fuck

You: Buckbeak barely grazed you madam Pomfrey healed it in two minutes

You: So yeah. Get fucked

Malfoy: Someone’s tetchy

You: Someone’s going to get his nose broken

Montague: all right can we calm down

Bole: as much as we all want to break Malfoy’s nose

Bole: it’s still not our fault

Malfoy: Who got you your brooms

Spinnet: oh shut your face

Flint: Hufflepuff are a walkover anyway

Quaffle: that is NOT the point

Quaffle: we’ve been training to beat you and ravenclaw, we haven’t been looking at hufflepuff

Quaffle: so thanks a lot

Flint: If it makes you feel any better they really hate playing in the rain and it’s gonna pour down tomorrow

Johnson: oh thanks, we feel so much better now

Johnson: jackasses

Bletchley: come on wusses 

Bletchley: it’s hufflepuff

Freckles: fine

Freckles: still not fair though

Malfoy: Life’s not fair, Weasley

You: You know what would be fair?

You: Breaking your nose

Malfoy: So quick to violence, tut tut

Flint: Ignore him

You: Who

Malfoy: Who

Flint: _Both of you_

21:58

Freckles: you know what I can’t believe

Freckles: that george is still aiming bludgers at me

Greckles: no I’m not

Johnson: yeah you are

Greckles: all right, maybe I’m still just a bit sore

Freckles: about what??

Greckles: ooh, I don’t know

Greckles: maybe when my twin brother kept the fact he’s shagging our captain a secret from me, his best friend and one true confidant, for like three months

Greckles: oh and then threw himself off the staircases

Freckles: I’VE APOLOGISED

Greckles: woe is me

Greckles: I’ll have to make Ron my new favourite brother

Greckles: how tragic is that

Greckles: actually wait I can use Harry

Greckles: Harry dear you’re my favourite now

Montague: excuse me Weasley’s doing what with Wood?

Johnson: oh no 

Greckles: I thought this was the gryffindor chat FUCK me

Freckles: thanks you arse

Bole: what the fuck?

Flint: Uuh wood

Warrington: do I need to call the aurors? Is that what’s happening?

Malfoy: Ew what in Hades?

You: What’s an auror

Johnson: wizard police

You: Oh ok

Norberta: I can add Tonks if you want she’s training to be an auror

Bole: HOW DID WEASLEY GET HERE

Flint: WHAT

Freckles: hey!

Greckles: hey!

Norberta: hey!

Ginny: hey!

Montague: WHAT THE HELL 

Derrick: HOW’S SHE HERE

Ginny: wow how rude

Quaffle: oh god Charlie please no

Norberta: I’m joking

Norberta: And one of my brothers added me I’m sure

Quaffle: George what the  _ hell _

Quaffle: and I have not laid a single finger on Fred thank you very much

Spinnet: sorry but that’s a lie

Quaffle: ok but I have  _ not _ shagged him

Freckles: unfortunately

Freckles: also we’re almost the same age he’s just like in the next year it’s fine

Bletchley: still what the fuck???

Freckles: he’s hot ok

Spinnet: no one’s arguing that freddie

Freckles: you’re a lesbian

Spinnet: hell yeah i am

Malfoy: Gryffindors…… 

Warrington: oh be quiet

Derrick: we all know who your twink ass wants

Malfoy: Excuse me?

Bole: Like cassie can talk

Warrington: excuse me

Montague: isn’t malfoy like 11

Greckles: ooh do you have something to share warrington :)

Warrington: no

Malfoy: I’m thirteen so shut the fuck up

You: Weren’t we arguing about Malfoy being a prick and faking an injury?

Bletchley: this is much more interesting

Flint: You are such a little shit for gossip

Montague: well if graduated Weasley and girl Weasley can be here I think we can add terror and pucey don’t you?

_ Flint added unsaved contact [giggs] _

_ Flint added unsaved contact [ayydrian] _

Higgs: what?

Pucey: uh hello

You: Hey Higgs

Higgs: oh hey Potter

Greckles: wait since when are you friends??

You: Since he congratulated me on not breaking my face after that dive in my first year

Higgs: I thought someone should

Malfoy: Well that’s weird and off-putting

You: You’re weird and off-putting

Bole: gotta hand it to him

Malfoy: I hate all of you

Warrington: that’s nice

Quaffle: ok team time for bed we’ve got hufflepuff to beat tomorrow

Freckles: piece of cake

Spinnet: your own bed

Freckles: wow you really think so little of me

Norberta: Why are you so surprised

Freckles: I am  _ wounded _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say thank you so much for everyone's support and kind words!! I had no idea if anyone would actually be interested, so I'm honoured :')   
> Do enjoy!

**43 unread messages**

**Snape Sucks**

Saturday 14:12

Ronald: HOLY FUCK

Crookshanks: Harry we’re coming to the infirmary please hang on

Crookshanks: I don’t even know if you’re conscious

Crookshanks: Ron what if he’s really really hurt I can’t do this

Ronald: hold on I’m coming

Ronald: Harry will be fine he’s um

Ronald: resistant

Ronald: no resilient that one

**Lads on tour**

Saturday 14:18

Nevillle: Oh god Harry I hope you’re okay!!

Totspurs: Jesus Christ mate are you alive??

Nevillle: Actually we’re coming to the hospital wing rn

Shay: then why’re we textin him?

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 14:20

Bletchley: that was quite the fall

Greckles: shut up

Malfoy: He really is terrified of dementors isn’t he

Malfoy: Couldn’t even stay on his broom

Greckles: I said  _ shut up _

Malfoy: All right calm down it’s not like I’m gloating

Flint: Bloody sounds like it you prick

Norberta: George what’s going on?

Greckles: the dementors left their posts and flew over the pitch while Harry was up about two hundred feet

Greckles: he fell

Greckles: a really long way

Norberta: Oh Circe is he okay?

Johnson: passed out in the infirmary but alive and unbroken

Norberta: Christ okay

Norberta: You said they affect him badly?

Spinnet: yeah

Spinnet: I’m not sure we have to guess why

Freckles: I couldn’t catch him

Freckles: I was closest and I couldn’t catch him

Greckles: so was I and neither of us could

Ginny: stop beating yourselves up and do something productive like shout at dumbledore

Norberta: Do not shout at Dumbledore

Johnson: too late I can hear her at the end of the hall

Norberta: Is it normal to be scared of your baby sister

Freckles: it is if it’s Gin

Higgs: you know what that sounds fair

Greckles: force to be reckoned with she is

Freckles: and she’s only twelve

Greckles: maybe it was being possessed by you-know-who what done it

Freckles: she’s not even scared of harry anymore

Norberta: You’ve gone silent where’d you go

You: They’re threatening to throw Ron off the astronomy tower

Bletchley: now  _ that _ I’d pay to see

Higgs: glad you’re not dead Potter

You: Cheers me too

You: My broom did get wrecked though

Higgs: oh shit :(

You: Yeah

Norberta: D:

Malfoy: You’d better get another before we play you

Malfoy: I’m not playing you if you’re going to complain my broom gives me the advantage

You: Oh as if you really care

Norberta: I’ve always wondered why it’s not required to have the same brooms for every position on both teams

Bletchley: yeah you’d think wouldn’t you

Flint: Whose side are you on?

Bletchley: the one with giant fire breathers that can eat me for dinner

Norberta: Trust me, you’re not even snack sized

Pucey: charming

Saturday 16:19

Johnson: is wood  _ still _ in the showers

Freckles: I’m trying to get him out I promise

Johnson: no funny business

Freckles: shut upp ffs

Greckles: do you want him out or not

Montague: ew what why are you joining in

Greckles: I’ll have you know I’m currently drowning my own sorrows in Lee’s arms so you can piss off

Spinnet: is he drunk

You: Uh

You: A bit

Bletchley: it’s four in the afternoon

Spinnet: and we just lost a match? Do you think we care

Bletchley: fair point

Higgs: Potter are you supposed to be out of the hospital wing

You: Yes?

Pucey: sounds fake but okay

Freckles: got wood out of the shower

Bell: did NOT need to know

Bell: oh wait

Bell: okay good job :)

Freckles: Katie!!!!!

Derrick: ok she’s funny

Bell: cheers

**Snape Sucks**

Monday 09:43

Ronald: what was that note malfoy just sent you

You: IMG_0954

Ronald: dude what the hell

Ronald: he has way too much time on his hands

Crookshanks: Stop texting in class!!

Ronald: it’s only lupin

Crookshanks: So you should be showing him respect

Ronald: fiiine

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Wednesday 18:59

Greckles: whoever the hell is shagging in the broom shed please hurry up I want my broom

Bletchley: dude what

Bole: how do you know they’re on this chat

Greckles: considering this is the house teams’ shed, there is a 50% chance one of them is in this chat

Greckles: there is a following 24% chance that both of them are in this chat

Greckles: and I WANT my BROOM

Flint: Why are you whining like a child Weasley

Greckles: is it you

Pucey: as if 

Flint: No I’m in the library

Spinnet: I didn’t know you could read

Bell: ouch

Malfoy: How terribly rude

You: Says you??

Greckles: I’m gonna wait out here and expose whoever it is

Higgs: I like the way you think

Johnson: you are way too invested in other people’s love lives 

Spinnet: *sex lives

Greckles: and?

Johnson: you know what that’s fine you do you

Greckles: well I’m not doing anyone else am I

Greckles: that’s a lie

Johnson: I’m sure Lee can attest 

Greckles: ;)

Malfoy: Do you really have to do this here

Bletchley: shut up this is great none of you lot are this interesting

Flint: You’re just here for the gossip

Bletchley: and??

Johnson: it pays to be prepared

Warrington: anything Weasley says is a fucking lie

Greckles: omg

Flint: I guess we’ve found out who’s in the shed

Greckles: MOV_0067

Greckles: he’s sulking :’)

Johnson: is that Davies

Spinnet: yup

Bletchley: get it cassie!

Warrington: shut  _ up _

Bletchley: no :)

Malfoy: RIP miles

Flint: It’ll be RIP Malfoy in a minute

Malfoy: Why do you all insist on picking on me what the hell?

You: It’s because it’s so easy

Malfoy: Of all the people to tell me that,,

Malfoy: It’s you

Malfoy: What did I do in my past life to deserve this

You: I think it’s what you’ve done in this life that you should be concerned about

Malfoy: >:(

Spinnet: aw look katie they’re flirting

You: I’m what

Malfoy: Disgusting

Katie: awww how sweet

Malfoy: Malfoys aren’t sweet

You: No they’re a pain in the arse

Malfoy: Do you want to duel

Malfoy: I will duel you and I will win

You: Go on then

Malfoy: Fine

Freckles: the girls are fighting

Johnson: usually I would take offense

Johnson: someone film it though

Ginny: on it

Bletchley: on it

Freckles: nice double perspective

Quaffle: please do not encourage them to break more school rules 

Quaffle: we can’t have Harry getting himself detentions 

Freckles: but darling

Quaffle: no

Freckles: :(

Greckles: >:)

Freckles: >:)

Bole: circe’s tits

Wednesday 19:23

Ginny: MOV_0183

Bletchley: MOV_2491

Greckles: nice job guys

Bletchley: you’re very welcome


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ron's a good friend and I love him, he's just insecure  
> Also I'm overwhelmed by all of the positive responses so far! Thank you all!!

**Bisexual Disasters**

Saturday 16:23

You: _This message has been removed_

You: Sorry wrong chat

Norberta: I don’t know what happened but whatever it is _do not_ go looking for Black

Bill: what did he say?

Norberta: “I’m going to kill Sirius Black myself and I’m going to make it hurt”

You: Shit

You: Look just

You: It’s fine

Bill: Harry what happened? We’re here to help you

Ronald: it’s bad

You: Look it’s fine

Greckles: it’s obviously not

Freckles: we’re not going to let you throw yourself into danger

You: What, like you do?

Freckles: exactly. We’re stupid and expendable. You’re not

Bill: none of you are stupid or expendable 

Norberta: We’re talking about that later

You: Sirius Black is my godfather

You: He was my dad’s best friend

You: He was my parents’ secret keeper when they were in hiding

Bill: Merlin

Headboy: Harry I’m so sorry

You: Yeah 

You: Everything is his fault and he was their _fucking_ friend

You: They trusted him and he

You: I can’t

You: I can’t stand it

Norberta: They’re going to catch him, Harry

Norberta: And when they do he’ll get what he deserves

You: I’m not a good person Charlie

You: I want to hurt him

You: I want him to suffer just as much as they did

Bill: Harry that will never make you a bad person

Bill: You have suffered an awful, awful lot of bad things

Bill: More bad than you’ve let us know about I’m sure

Norberta: The fact you’re only feeling this malicious now shows how incredibly good you are

Freckles: the fact you’re worrying whether you’re a bad person or not also means a lot

Greckles: and we’ve never heard you say anything like this towards those Dursley people

You: I blew my uncle’s sister up like a balloon last august

You: She floated out the door and ended up on a chimney somewhere

Freckles: w i c k e d

Norberta: Still you weren’t inflicting pain were you? 

Freckles: even when they locked you in your room summer before last

Greckles: I’m so glad we stole that car

Norberta: Wait that’s what happened?

Ronald: there were bars on his window

Greckles: his stuff was locked in a cupboard under the stairs

Bill: I’m proud of you lot

Bill: Never mind what mum says

Freckles: :O

Greckles: happy to be of service to our Harry

You: Sorry for being dramatic

You: I’m just, so angry

Headboy: That’s wholly understandable

Bill: Your compassion and empathy is truly commendable Harry

Ginny: not to mention heroism ;)

Ronald: I think he has a saving people thing

Ronald: he takes self-sacrifice to the next level

Bill: now that isn’t so good

Ronald: we’re working on it

You: Hey

Ginny: in the background at least

You: Hey

Ginny: :)

Freckles: <3

Greckles: <3

You: Fine

Saturday 05:35

Ginny: Merry Christmas!

Bill: Merry Christmas all of you

Bill: make sure to behave for mum and dad

Ginny: yes bill

Greckles: yes bill

Freckles: yes bill

Norberta: Yes Bill

Bill: …

Norberta: :)

Norberta: JPEG_2067

Norberta: Merry Christmas you lot

Greckles: is that a baby dragon

Freckles: I want one

Ronald: is that a uhhhhhhh norwegian ridgeback?

You: That’s Norberta!!

Norberta: Spot on Harry 

You: :D

Bill: so you really weren’t joking when you told me Hagrid had a dragon and Ron asked you to save it

Norberta: Why would I lie about that??

Bill: no idea 

Bill: I probably should have known

Headboy: It’s not like you were any better at school

Norberta: Shush we have to maintain our image of being the good children

Bill: McGonagall won’t tell she liked us too much

Ginny: I wanna know

Bill: no

Freckles: we’ll tell you

Norberta: No

Norberta: I still can’t believe you two wormed your way into the hearts of all our friends

Norberta: Penny _trusts_ you for crying out loud

Bill: that’s because she’s mad

Headboy: It was probably all that praise and those highly endearing stories you used to tell

Norberta: SHUSH

Ronald: oh my god

Ronald: oh

Ronald: my god

Freckles: what?

Ginny: Ron what

Ronald: JPEG_1987

Ronald: look what Harry just got

Ginny: holy SHIT

Freckles: NO WAY

Greckles: YES WAY

Greckles: Oliver’s gonna do his nut

Freckles: He absolutely will

Ginny: who’s it from?????

Ronald: dunno?

You: There isn’t a note or anything

You: It’s like when Dumbledore left my dad’s old cloak except with no note

Ronald: so actually it’s more like that time McGonagall bought you your nimbus with no note

You: … 

You: Shut up

Freckles: favouritism

Greckles: blatant

Ginny: unbridled 

Freckles: favouritism

You: Well I highly doubt she got me this one

Bill: as do I

Norberta: That’s incredible though!!!

Norberta: I can’t wait to play you when I go back

You: Sure!

Freckles: oh no they’re friends

Greckles: we’re doomed

Ronald: oh shut up

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Saturday 05:41

Freckles: SO

Johnson: merry christmas to you too

Freckles: <3

Greckles: Harry got a Firebolt this morning

Freckles: and we all know what that means

Quaffle: NO WAY

Johnson: brilliant!!!!

Greckles: JPEG_1987

Spinnet: we’re gonna fuckin BREEZE slytherin

Bell: or anyone!!

Quaffle: Harry you’ve gotta look after that broom

Quaffle: this is fantastic

Quaffle: oh my god hold on I need a quill

Freckles: well we’re not gonna see him for the rest of the day

Greckles: poor you

Freckles: be quiet

Spinnet: I’m sure you can think of a few ways to get his attention

Freckles: sure can

Bell: ew shut up

Freckles: wdym ‘ew’

Greckles: ew you

Bell: ew boys

You: that’s fair

Spinnet: of course it is

**Bisexual Disasters**

15:03

Freckles: so now we’re waiting to see when she notices

Bill: you’re so pushing it

Greckles: and? :)

Ronald: Never mind!!

Freckles: ?

Ronald: _hermione_ told mcg she thinks Sirius Black sent Harry’s broom so now they’ve taken it to strip it

Greckles: holy shit

Greckles: that wouldn’t really happen would it??

Bill: why didn’t we think of that oh my god he could have _died_

Norberta: The Blacks are filthy rich he could’ve bought one easy

Bill: wait

Bill: he shouldn’t be able to access his vault

Norberta: Really?

Bill: no one convicted and serving a live sentence can

Norberta: Then that’s weird

Ronald: then it couldn’t have been black then could it??

Bill: I wouldn’t rule it out just yet Ron

Bill: we don’t know what contingencies Black could’ve had in place before he went mad

Freckles: crap

Freckles: I feel awful now

Ronald: you’re taking her side??

Ronald: what the fuck

Ginny: do you WANT Harry to die???

Ronald: No!

Ginny: then why aren’t you taking this seriously?

Ronald: it just

Ronald: it couldn’t be him could it

Ronald: Bill said he shouldn’t be able to access his vault

Headboy: And yet he also said not to rule out the possibility

Headboy: Now get off your phones, Mum’s starting to worry

Freckles: ugh

Greckles: just tell her we’re talking to our friends liven up perce

Headboy: All of us at once?

Freckles: yeah? Anyway we need to tell the team

Greckles: I can already hear oliver’s distress 

Norberta: :/

Norberta: I wish we didn’t have to take these precautions but it’s serious

Norberta: And Ron, do _not_ take it out on your friend Granger

Norberta: She did the right thing and I will not hear you’ve been an arse to her, all right?

Ronald: fine

Ronald: even though her stupid cat’s trying to eat scabbers

Headboy: Actually that should go to Harry too

You: Okay

Greckles: he can at least stop Ron being a prat

Freckles: and even if they _are_ mean we’ll look after her when we get back

Greckles: you and your bloody soft spot

Freckles: will you shut up

Greckles: no

Greckles: you’re soft on her and harry don’t even deny it

Freckles: they’re kids

Ronald: oi

Ginny: oi

You: Don’t worry I’ll be your friend Fred

Freckles: thank you Harry <3

Freckles: see someone cares

Norberta: You’re terrible

Greckles: oh you haven’t had to watch him ““flirt”” yet

Ginny: roasted

Freckles: :(

Ronald: oh god remember that one time at lunch with the croissant

Freckles: please no

Norberta: Do I dare ask what happened with the croissant

Greckles: no

Ginny: don’t

Freckles: _please_

Ronald: MOV_0021

_Freckles left_

Ginny: rip

Headboy: May his soul finally calm the hell down 

Greckles: merlin I really wish you had _not_ reminded me

Bill: you okay?

Greckles: ugh I will be

Ginny: well, at least it wasn’t anything worse

Ronald: to be fair it could have been a slytherin

Greckles: don’t go there Ron

Greckles: just,, don’t

Ginny: ooh I love secrets

Ginny: love uncovering them and holding them ransom

Norberta: You are actually evil

Ginny: and

Norberta: Carry on


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry contracts Ron's foot-in-mouth syndrome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I read through this and previous chapters I think I might as well have titled the fic “that's fair”

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 15:46

Quaffle: nice win Flint

Bole: oi

Bletchley: WE WON ASSHOLES

Flint: Thanks Wood

Bletchley: it wasn’t just him

Freckles: do you really think we want to congratulate you 

Johnson: you’re still the enemy, never mind how much vodka you can smuggle

Spinnet: wait there’s vodka

Derrick: miles what

Bletchley: johnson I told you to keep that a secret

Johnson:  _ whoops _

Johnson: guess I’m uninvited to the party then

Greckles: wfbgb

Greckles: angie!!!!

Spinnet: oh my god angie no hahahahaha

Bletchley: …

Bletchley: you’re satan incarnate

Montague: Miles…

Bletchley: I have no clue what she’s talking about

Pucey: welp

Pucey: we all know what happens now

Higgs:  **_Into The Lake He Goes_ **

Bletchley: NO

Derrick: awesome

Bletchley: PLEASE HAVE MERCY

Bell: Angelina Johnson have you been shagging slytherins to get access to free alcohol

Johnson: …

Bletchley: sdsgjKa ache da3214jkf not peach uBk

Bell: and you  _ didn’t _ think to tell us

Bell: I am feeling so left out

Spinnet: katie kat you’re fucking 14

Freckles: also aren’t you into girls too??

Greckles: these are  _ slytherins _

Bell: girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do

Bell: it’s a worthy sacrifice

Spinnet: george you’d be in there if you weren’t tied to Lee

Greckles: …touché…

Freckles: george no

Johnson: I didn’t shag him

Spinnet: convincing

Johnson: I really didn’t

Johnson: you know how guys are

Spinnet: actually yeah that’s true

Freckles: excuse me?

Bell: I hate to point fingers fred

Malfoy: MOV_0036

Greckles: holy shit,,,,

Johnson: wow they really threw him in the lake huh

You: Yikes

Malfoy: You next Potter

You: How the hell do you plan on catching me

Freckles: with a net maybe

Greckles: you’re small enough right?

You: Whose side are you on???

Bell: traitors

Freckles: we’re only agreeing that Potter’s one hell of a catch ;) aren’t we @Malfoy

Malfoy: Yeah?

Malfoy: Wait fuck no

Greckles: sorry first answer only

Malfoy: NO

You: I

Malfoy: Fuck you Weasleys

Flint: Oh come off it you little shit

Malfoy: I hate all of you

You: Feeling’s mutual

Malfoy: Get fucked Potter

You: Do it yourself coward

You: Fucking shit

Bell: Wow

Pucey: oh my god

Derrick: Holy cripes

Pucey: ter you seeing this?

Higgs: …why am I not surprised 

Spinnet: you really said that huh harry

You: No

You: I didn’t mean

You: I didn’t 

You: Percy says I have an underdeveloped sense of humour I didn’t understand

Freckles: excuses excuses

Greckles: well at least he’s good looking

Freckles: you couldn’t have gone for one of the slightly less shit options though could you?

_ You left _

_ Bell added you _

Bole: oh he’s back

Malfoy: You’re all stupid

_ You left _

**Freckles**

Saturday 16:13

You: Please let me die of embarrassment and disgust in peace

Freckles: hmm no can do kiddo

Freckles: but don’t worry, we all think you’re super cute

You: How is that meant to not worry me

Freckles: ;)

**Katie Bell**

Saturday 16:15

You: Please don’t add me back

Bell: if I do it later they’re going to remember

Bell: best get the ribbing over and done with now

You: I don’t want to……

Bell: it’s okay

Bell: no one’s going to hold it against you

You: Malfoy will

Bell: ok maybe

Bell: but it’ll be worse if you leave it

You: :(

You: Fine but in a minute

Bell: c:

**Snape Sucks**

Saturday 16:21

You: JPEG_1329

You: Help Me

Ronald: merlin 

Ronald: no actually

Ronald: I don’t have the bloody words

Crookshanks: Oh Harry

You: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Crookshanks: Don’t worry about it, they’ll all forget in a few minutes

Ronald: still can’t believe you have a chat with the  _ enemy _

You: Neither

You: Katie’s idea

Crookshanks: And a good one if we’re going to achieve some sort of house unity

Ronald: ew who would want that

Crookshanks: You would if you knew what was good for you

Ronald: :///

You: Apparently it’s not a good idea!

You: Not if this happens!

Crookshanks: They’ll get over it

Crookshanks: I’m willing to bet they’ve said worse things on there than you

You: They threw Bletchley in the lake because Angelina spilled that he’s been getting her vodka

Ronald: ahahahaha no way

You: MOV_0036

You: JPEG_1807

Ronald: oh my god HAHAHA

Crookshanks: Goodness

Crookshanks: That’s… Vulgar

You: ?

Crookshanks: What they were talking about

You: Oh

You: Maybe?

Crookshanks: Is this normal?

You: Yeah

You: Why?

Crookshanks: I worry about the wizarding world sometimes

Ronald: eh that’s fair

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 16:37

_ Bell added you _

Bletchley: look here he is

Higgs: welcome back Potter

Flint: Have you dried off yet Miles

Johnson: ok why are you suddenly being nice to Harry wtf

Bletchley: >:(

Bole: uhh because we prefer him to certain other seekers

Norberta: I resent that

Bletchley: not you

Norberta: :)

Freckles: suck up

Greckles: sycophant 

Norberta: Ooh that’s a big word Georgie

Greckles: shut up dragon boy

Derrick: who looks at a giant fiery rage monster and thinks yes. That one.

Norberta: Me

Greckles: me

Freckles: me

Ginny: me

Montague: you’re all insane

Freckles: ginny  _ is _ the giant fiery rage monster

Greckles: just less giant

Norberta: More like titchy

Ginny: anyone’s titchy compared to you

Ginny: except Bill

Norberta: That’s probably fair

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Monday 15:50

Quaffle: so

Quaffle: I went to see mcgonagall about harry’s Firebolt

Quaffle: she seems to think my priorities need revising

Johnson: …

Spinnet: what did you say?

Quaffle: well I wanted to know when it’d be ready

Quaffle: and I also might have said something about how Harry’s handled jinxed brooms and bludgers before

Quaffle: she seemed to think that wasn’t a very good thing to say though

Freckles: Oliver

Freckles: Harry could get hurt

Greckles:  _ badly _ badly this time

Quaffle: I’m sorry

Quaffle: I promise I understand that

Spinnet: but you really want to win

You: It’s okay we understand

Greckles: but not at the expense of your life

Greckles: remember what happened last year?

Freckles: couldve bloody lost your arm

You: Ugh don’t remind me I might throw up

Bell: yeah me too

Spinnet: fucking lockhart

Freckles: seem to remember you lot were quite excited back in the duelling club

Quaffle: oh yeah when he threw his cloak at you and you went all girly

Greckles: hilarious that was

Bell: excuse me I’m always a girl

Johnson: oh shut up 

Johnson: it was very expensive velvet

Freckles: ahahahaha

Greckles: “very expensive velvet”

Freckles: try harder next time angie

Spinnet: boys huh

Bell: boys

Freckles: don’t turn this on us

Johnson: too late we win

You: I think it’s by default

Spinnet: knew there was a reason we loved you so much Harry

You: :)

Katie: <3

Greckles: :/ betrayed


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so caught up last night in the euphoria of watching Clone Wars season 1 that I completely forgot it was Sunday, rip.   
> Except the Jar Jar episode. That one made me feel genuine unholy rage.   
> Anyway.  
> Do enjoy!  
> (And apologies for my inability to stop adding or mentioning hogwarts mystery characters... I'm attached.)

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Thursday 21:23

Quaffle: GUESS WHAT GIRLS

Quaffle: GET DOWN TO THE COMMON ROOM STAT

Johnson: hello?

Spinnet: ugh

Freckles: JPEG_2403

Spinnet: HOLY SHIT

Quaffle: HE GOT IT BACK

Bell: we’re going to slaughter Ravenclaw!!!!

Greckles: Chang won’t know what hit her

Johnson: definitely if she’s on a comet!

Freckles: hold on, Ron’s making a scene

Greckles: it’s that bloody rat again

Norberta: Scabbers?

Freckles: says Crookshanks ate him

Greckles: we could really do  _ without _ the yelling, honestly

You: I can’t really do anything about that…

Freckles: don’t worry we’re not asking you to

Greckles: but we will slap a silencing charm on him if he doesn’t shut the hell up

You: Then Hermione will just keep going

Freckles: I’d much rather hear her voice than his 

Freckles: even if she does give mum a run for her money

Norberta: Soft spot

Freckles: not you too 

Quaffle: ahem

Freckles: oooh hello darling

Freckles: what say we retire and leave them to their shouting match

Spinnet: subtlety is not your forte

Freckles: never claimed it was

Greckles: have we ever even tried?

Johnson: when you’re sneaking around maybe

Greckles: that doesn’t count ;)

Spinnet: ew

Greckles: :(

**Lads on tour**

Friday 01:34

You: Hermione seems really stressed but she won’t drop any subjects and I don’t know what to do

Nevillle: :(( neither

Totspurs: How many is she even taking? It’s impossible

You: Too many

You: Ron’s been going on about how she seems to be in three places at once 

Shay: speaking of

Ronald: maybe she’d be happier if she didn’t have to look after that fucking cat

Shay: maybe she’d be happier if you stopped being a twit for two seconds

Shay: maybe took the time to realise she’s on the verge of tears 90% of the time

Ronald: don’t tell me you’re on her fucking side now too

Totspurs: No one is saying anything about sides

Totspurs: We’re only concerned

Nevillle: She’s upset about it too

Ronald: oh shove right off

You: Maybe we should go to sleep

Nevillle: You have lots of training to do Harry

Shay: hardly, yeah? Not with a firebolt!

You: We’ll see

You: Night

Ronald: night.

Shay: night

Nevillle: Night :)

Totspurs: Nighto

Totspurs: Also please god Nev do something about your snoring

**Bisexual Disasters**

Saturday 22:14

Greckles: oi have any of you heard of bdsm

Norberta: Yes… Why

Bill: why

Freckles: what’s it stand for angie won’t tell us

Norberta: Well it’s the way of the distinguished wizard

Bill: Charlie… 

Norberta: Brewing, dragons, summoning and magic

Freckles: that sounds cool

Greckles: okay well you were NO help

Freckles: she laughed at us :(

Ronald: you did just announce it to like, the whole house

Norberta: Wow

Norberta: I’m embarrassed for you tbh

Greckles: CHARLIE

Freckles: fuck we should have known when he mentioned the dragons

Greckles: fuck

Greckles: of course

Ginny: damn he got you two goodddd

Ronald: he’s playing you at your own game

Ginny: and winning

Freckles: shhhhhh no he didn’t shut up

Bill: …

Headboy: This house is a nightmare

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Monday 17:39

Quaffle: new rule:

Quaffle: none of you are allowed to argue about which team “have the best arses”

Quaffle: or for that fact try to demonstrate

Montague: ok but you guys are so wrong

Derrick: when you say ‘new’ you make it sound like there are others

You: Yes

Norberta: From what I’ve heard, many

Bletchley: lmao like what

Freckles: no loudly threatening other teams with skunks or any other small creatures anywhere McG can hear

Johnson: no hiding everyone’s clothes before they get out of the showers for a laugh

Bell: no asking Oliver difficult would you rather questions involving quidditch to distract him

Greckles: no enabling or helping katie with her surprise dress-up attacks

Spinnet: no snogging/shagging in the broom shed when people need their brooms (@Warrington)

You: No making obscure film references that the non muggle raised kids won’t get when it’s at their expense

Quaffle: and no forcing Harry to be our mascot,  _ George _

Greckles: what he’s cute

Bole: some of those are very specific

Johnson: don’t let Lee catch you saying that georgie

Freckles: geez he’s gay not  _ blind _

Pucey: that’s… A lot of rules

Malfoy: And that’s a lot of idiots, so

Spinnet: you know what shortarse

Spinnet: you can have that

Bell: whaaaat

Spinnet: as a treat

Bell: licie no

Greckles: katie cat do you have your  _ Artiste _ kit ready

Bell: … I know where he goes at break

Greckles: wonderful

Bole: rip Malfoy

Derrick: he won’t be missed

Malfoy: Excuse you I look great in eyeliner

You: You also thought you looked great with your hair gelled back

You: It only took you, what, five years to realise you were wrong?

Norberta: Oh seven, at the least

Greckles: wtf

Malfoy: How in Circe’s seven hells would you know Weasley?

Norberta: Uhhh

Norberta: Do you maybe remember that one time years ago your dad dragged you to Hogwarts for one of his “inspections” and you were babysat by that kid with glasses and an adorable Irish accent

Malfoy: What the fuck

Norberta: Yeah he’s sitting next to me laughing his arse off rn

Malfoy: WHAT THE FUCK

Freckles: ho-ly

Ginny:  _ shit _

Malfoy: That boy is your friend???

Greckles: incredible

Higgs: you can’t make this shit up

Norberta: Yeah

Norberta: We’ve also worked together pretty much since we left school so

Bole: oh merlin more dragon people

Greckles: charlie charlie important questions:

Freckles: does he have photos????

Malfoy: NO

Malfoy: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Norberta: JPEG_2931

Norberta: JPEG_2930

Norberta: JPEG_2933

Norberta: The kinder ones

Malfoy: I fucking hate you so much

Malfoy: Weasley tell him I hate him and I’m telling my father

You: Oh my god

You: I’m saving those

Norberta: He says ‘go ahead Draco and would you like a chocolate frog’

Freckles: I

Johnson: speechless

Spinnet: no words

Higgs: what a king

Higgs: the slytherin common room has been reduced to tears

You: You mean to say that gloomy ass room doesn’t always do that?

Derrick: ??????????

Montague: I don’t wanna know honestly potter just stop

Warrington: who @ me

Johnson: you’re so late dickwad

_ Malfoy left _

Bletchley: oop now he’s sulking

Bletchley: zabini’s gonna go cheer him up as soon as he stops laughing

Flint: All he wants is attention what’s his problem now

Quaffle: you really have no idea do you

Ginny: cheer him up how?? -side eyes-

Bletchley: probably show him pictures of potter idk

You: He what

Montague: don’t think about it too much

Greckles: no actually do maybe you might figure something out 

Freckles: and maybe you’ll jump to the right conclusion for once

You: You’re never going to let me forget that thing with Snape are you

Norberta: No, they are most certainly not

Johnson: hmm

You: Speaking of

Spinnet: Charlie, darling

Bell: do you happen to have any photos of baby twins?

Norberta: Boy do I

Norberta: They were absolutely adorable let me tell you

Quaffle: oh my god you’ve set him off

Quaffle: why would you do that

Norberta: JPEG_0215

Norberta: JPEG_0214

Norberta: JPEG_1491

Norberta: JPEG_1490

Johnson: oh my GOD THEY’RE ADORABLE

Norberta: :’)

Ginny: don’t be fooled

Ginny: they were tiny menaces

Norberta: Throwback to that time Bill told Pomfrey we’re all ‘angels’ what a loser

Warrington: now they’re bloody huge menaces

Derrick: what’s new

Bletchley: yeah what is new

Spinnet: is that sneaky boy’s code for ‘yeah they’re still cute’

Derrick: excuse me no ew

Bletchley: actually yeah but no homo

Freckles: full homo

Greckles: oi that’s my line

Freckles: sorry gred

Greckles: fuck you forge

Bell: please god don’t tell me you’ve switched phones

Johnson: or names

You: JC I need a nap

Spinnet: don’t we all

Malfoy: I don’t

You: How did you even fucking get back in I didn’t see you be added

Malfoy: I have my ways

You: Ugh just shut up

Malfoy: I’m so going to block you

You: Okay drama queen if acting like a twelve year old girl will make you feel better go ahead

You: Maybe I’ll get some peace and quiet

Freckles: oooo he snapped

Greckles: the girls are fighting again

Johnson: if there’s another duel just keep it down 

Ginny: fight fight fight fight

Freckles: gin I thought you were in love with harry why do you wanna see him fight

Ginny: a) hot

Ginny: b) he’d kick malfoy’s scrawny arse any day

Ginny: c) I was like ten and then he saved me from a giant bloody basilisk stop making fun of me

Malfoy: Wow

Montague: yall have been through shit

Ginny: yeah

Greckles: she didn’t even get a cool scar it’s so tragic

Bole: dude what the hell that’s your sister

Ginny: ???

Ginny: he’s right though?

Johnson: don’t even try understanding

Spinnet: literally just don’t. Save yourselves some headaches

Flint: I am so glad I’m leaving next year 

Flint: I cannot deal with all you morons

Freckles: that’s our charm ;)

Flint: Fuck off


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw!

**Snape Sucks**

Thursday 06:17

Ronald: Hermione

Ronald: @Crookshanks

Ronald: hermione I’m sorry please help

Crookshanks: I thought we weren’t talking.

Ronald: Harry’s sick and I don’t know what to do

Crookshanks: Oh god hold on I’m coming

Crookshanks: Tell me what’s wrong

Ronald: he got up and then a few minutes later went really pale and shaky and can’t stand up

Ronald: he says he feels really faint

Ronald: ok now he’s sitting with his head over the toilet bc he feels sick

Ronald: he’s not bringing anything up though

Crookshanks: Let me in Ron

Ronald: sorry I’m keeping him upright he’s abt to pass out

Crookshanks: It’s okay Dean’s here

**Still in school gang**

Thursday 06:23

Ronald: so Harry’s ill this morning

Ginny: what????

Headboy: Is he okay, Ron?

Ronald: Hermione says he has air trapped in his digestive tract

Ronald: also she says he’ll be fine in a bit

Ronald: she said he’s probably not been eating properly because he’s stressed over the match 

Headboy: I’ve let Oliver know and also told him off

You: It wasn’t his fault

Freckles: usually Harry he tells you ‘die trying’ so yeah, we’re gonna blame him

Greckles: aren’t you supposed to be asleep though little man

You: Don’t call me little 

Greckles: you’re little

You: You’re horrible

Greckles: it’s only because we love you

You: Yeah yeah

Ginny: it’s true

You: Love you too

Ronald: ok he fell asleep finally but also that is the first time I’ve ever heard him say that and it had to be to you guys

Greckles: :’’’’’)

Freckles: what can we say?

Ginny: we’re lovable

Greckles: fred is crying

Freckles: so are you bastard

Ronald: why are you crying I didn’t think you were this attached

Ginny: are you kidding they’re half in love with him

Freckles: no we’re not 

Greckles: ron his family put bars on his window and didn’t feed him

Freckles: amongst other things

Headboy: Delete those messages before he knows you’ve been talking about him and gets embarrassed

Ronald: first of all too late, he sleeps even lighter than bill does

Freckles: second of all we’re not going to lie

Headboy: I don’t want to upset him by having him think we’re prying

Greckles: we care and want him to be safe and I want him to know that

Ginny: mum’s adopted him anyway so we should just like, steal him

Ronald: screw the ministry or whoever’s keeping him there he’s ours now

Headboy: As long as you tell Mum first and don’t just disappear off again

Freckles: deal

You: Guys… 

You: I’m fine

You: I would love to never go back there but it’s okay really

Ginny: okay! I’ll let mum know you’re coming with us now

You: Wait no don’t make her take me in

Ronald: make her?? She’s fought to take you in herself

You: Oh

Freckles: go back to sleep Harry darling and we’ll talk to you at lunch

You: Ffs stop calling me that lmao

Greckles: never :)

You: :(

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 17:12

Bletchley: that match…

Bole: amazing? Incredible? For many reasons

Flint: I’m grounding Malfoy for the rest of the year I stg what a moron

Derrick: him and his bloody bodyguards

Johnson: that match was groundbreaking don’t even pretend

Warrington: Weasley your loudarse boyfriend is so biased it’s actually funny now

Greckles: I know :’) <3

Spinnet: WE RULE

Quaffle: we fucking WON

Higgs: congrats dudes

Quaffle: !!!!!!! yes bitches

You: I can’t believe,,, 

You: I can’t believe Malfoy thought I’d go around being an idiot and not learn about dementors

Freckles: whatever that was you threw at him was bloody brilliant

Greckles: teach us

Malfoy: All of you shut up 

Malfoy: I thought it was funny

Bell: Literally Only You

Johnson: and the other arseholes he’s friends with

Spinnet: Potter wins the day

Greckles: I can’t believe we won we’re so good at this

Derrick: you’re not even making sense weasley

Warrington: when do they ever make sense

Norberta: Maybe you should start thinking outside the box

Norberta: Congrats all of you! I’m v proud :’)

Norberta: Everyone is proud!!!

Norberta: Also what did Malfoy do

Ginny: everyone?

Freckles: who’s everyone

Johnson: he dressed up as a dementor with his mates and tried to scare harry on the pitch

Spinnet: didn’t work because Harry’s too boss for that ofc

Norberta: JPEG_2045

Greckles: you… 

Montague: you painted dragons… Gryffindor colours… 

Malfoy: It’s him

Malfoy: That’s the guy that sent those stupid pictures of me

Bletchley: JPEG_2045

Bletchley: this one?

Malfoy: Well I wasn’t talking about any of the dragons or Weasley was I

Bole: who knows with you

Malfoy: Bitch

Norberta: He says hi and also that you’re an idiot

Malfoy: Fucks sake

Malfoy: Hi

Greckles: side eyes

Freckles: Malfoy? Maybe being civil? Outrage 

Flint: Right come here you little prick

Malfoy: Don’t want to

Flint: You will if I tell you what the consequences will be if you don’t

Flint: I don’t have time for dumb games McG is livid w you

Malfoy: >:(

Johnson: ANYWAY we’re off to celebrate expect not to see us until tuesday we are getting FUCKED

Norberta: Don’t let the kids drink and don’t do anything you’ll regret

Norberta: And for the love of merlin keep it child-friendly you two @Freckles @Greckles

Freckles: why do you always have such low expectations of us

Norberta: It cuts to the chase

Bletchley: OUCH Jesus

Greckles: :/ he ain’t wrong

You: :( but you guys are great and actually really nice

Freckles: shush don’t reveal our secrets 

Greckles: that’s right we’re Awful People

Ginny: secretly huge softies

Freckles: no >:(

Norberta: Oh I know they are I just don’t trust them pissed

Johnson: no one does dw

Bell: I think this chat would be a great start to getting harry and malfoy to start acting like actual human beings towards each other

Montague: is bell already drunk

Bell: No >:c

Spinnet: no just an idealist

Bell: we’ll see

Bell: anyway gotta save Oliver before Fred suffocates him

Montague: ew???

Spinnet: JPEG_3928

Bole: oh literally suffocates him not just being gross

Greckles: I don’t  _ think _ he has to hold on that tight but then again I’m not the one on our keeper’s back

Pucey: beginning to think they’re kinda cute

Pucey: like if you squint 

Ginny: well

Ginny: see you tomorrow maybe

Ginny: if no one dies

Higgs: good luck

Pucey: try not to die?

Bletchley: send pics I wanna know what happens

Derrick: lowkey thought you were asking for ‘pics’ for a sec there and I was uhhhh

Bletchley: fucks sake shut UP

Johnson: no he does actually know how to ask for those 

Higgs: I

Bole: wh

Johnson: that’s not saying he ever gets them 

Johsnon: he’s just a huge, smarmy, arrogant opportunist

Bletchley: you wound me

Johnson: Miles I hope you take some more advice from your obsession w Mercutio and keel over 

Montague: who’s mercutio

Freckles: more like mercutigay

Greckles: aye, ’tis but a scratch (upon thine honour)

Flint: Weren’t you lot going

Spinnet: we are now

Spinnet: thx bye hate you all see you maybe monday!!

Bole: how can any of gryffindor stand themselves 

Bletchley: come on they’re all right

You: We’re brilliant excuse you

Warrington: miles is a suck up

Bletchley: et tu, cassie?

Warrington: bite me 

Montague: seriously though who is mercutio

03:36

Freckles: well ron just woke up the whole tower screaming!!

Greckles: feel like I’m gonna be sick do we have to be down here

Montague: can you lot shut the fuck up

Freckles: sorry this chat was still open and I cba to switch

You: I don’t think he made it up

You: We heard someone in the room

You: JPEG_2034

Ginny: he didn’t tear the whole curtain off did he??

You: Sirius Black did yeah

Warrington: fucking what now

Bole: you’re not serious? Not  _ again? _

You: He almost killed Ron with a knife, so

Freckles: fucking hell he wasn’t dreaming

Bole: where did you all go

Bole: don’t wake us up and then disappear

Ginny: he had the passwords

Greckles: cadogan just let him in

Greckles: what a twat

Montague: I think that’s a bit tame honestly

Greckles: I don’t have the brain capacity for words rn sorry to disappoint montongue

Norberta: Holy hell

Norberta: Are they going to tell mum and dad?

Ginny: I don’t know

You: I’m so sorry

Freckles: hey this is not your fault

Ginny: actually it’s dumbledore’s for not fucking doing his job

Greckles: you’re thirteen and should not have to take responsibility for some madman trying to kill you?? Who made you think you did??

You: Idk

You: No one I just feel like it’s my fault

Ginny: well it isn’t so stop 

Ginny: anyway one thing’s funny tonight and that’s McG giving fred and ollie weird looks because they’re cuddling

Freckles: are not

Greckles: it’s hilarious but maybe not the time to mention it

Ginny: idk I feel everyone needs some sort of distraction

Montague: they need sleep

Montague: go to sleep

Ginny: all right snakey

Montague: my name is Graham

Ginny: somehow 

Ginny: that is worse

Greckles: why doesn’t that look like a real name

Greckles: logically I know it is a fairly common name

Greckles: looks like gibberish rn

Montague: maybe because you’re hungover? Or illiterate?

Greckles: hmm one of those

Freckles: maybe both

Greckles: oi

Warrington: shut up and go to sleep twats


	10. Chapter 10

**Bisexual Disasters**

Sunday 17:43

Norberta: @Freckles @Greckles what did you two send me

Freckles: how’d you know it was us?

Norberta: Ron only ever sends letters <2 pages, Percy only ever sends letters >2 pages, I’m not expecting anything from Bill or home until tomorrow and not a package, and Ginny usually texts to tell me she’s sent something because she’s smart

Norberta: You two send anything whenever without warning

Norberta: Also your handwriting, Fred, sucks

Freckles: ok well damn sorry

Greckles: anyway we thought you could do with reading them

Headboy: You two voluntarily touched books?

Freckles: why does everyone think we’re allergic to literacy

Ronald: idk but Hermione is literally always complaining that you’ve checked out the library books she needs

Ronald: can you two like share with her or something she’s going to snap soon

Greckles: you, Harry and Hermione have literally been the worst thing to happen to our reputations

Freckles: we can’t let them know we  _ read _

Headboy: Why are you insistent on making people think you’re idiots?

Ginny: being underestimated is better than being known

Greckles: she gets it

Norberta: FRED

Greckles: yes?

Norberta: GEORGE

Freckles: that’s me

Norberta: FUCKING GLITTER

Norberta:  **_GLITTER_ **

Greckles: it worked!!

Freckles: of course it did

Headboy: I don’t know if a single thing you try  _ doesn’t _ work

Ginny: percy we’ve all heard the explosions don’t be thick

Headboy: Oh I just thought they liked the noise

Norberta: MOV_0192

Norberta: Why did I come into the room to an absolute disaster -Not Charlie

Norberta: Is this something to do with Fred and George

Freckles: absolutely

Greckles: thank you so much for filming that ily

Norberta: No problem this is hilarious

Headboy: You’re not upset that you’re covered in glitter?

Norberta: No I’m going to assume he did something to warrant this

Norberta: So I’m making him clear it up on his own 

Freckles: dude this is why we love you

You: Sorry, I don’t know who you are and Ron is insisting I just ask

You: I’m Harry

Norberta: Hey Harry! I’m Danny, Charlie’s friend

Norberta: Oh and I told him I’m going to transfigure his bed into a rock if he can’t get the glitter out of my stuff

Greckles: brilliant

Norberta: …Why are there books on bdsm in this package

Freckles: we thought he could do with having a look at them

Norberta: ??

Norberta: I thought you were twelve you shouldn’t know about this

Norberta: @Bill what’s been going on

Greckles: jfc it’s been like three years since you left school keep up old man

Freckles: JPEG_3983

Freckles: here

Norberta: Wow he really tricked you into that didn’t he

Norberta: Brewing dragons summoning and magic 

Norberta: Well I’m looking through now and I’m pretty sure this covers all the basics, so well done with that, very comprehensive

Norberta: And he’s  _ so _ not happy with you

Freckles: hold on

Ginny: how do you guys know this stuff anyway

Ronald: oh merlin 

Norberta: Now why would I tell you and ruin the fun?

Ginny: because I have a great imagination and can come to many, many of my own conclusions

Greckles: fate worse than death basically

Norberta: Hahahaha no I’d love to hear them I’m sure

Norberta: Unfortunately I don’t have time and have to go nive talking to tuo Harry

Freckles: you okay daniel?

Norberta: I have reclaimed my phone and gotten rid of the glitter and you two are so dead

Greckles: I’m shaking in my boots

Norberta: Don’t start making things up Gin he’s screwing with you

Freckles: a likely story

You: What is going on

Norberta: Retribution

21:43

Bill: What the hell did I miss

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Tuesday 14:19

Spinnet: ok so I was just violently reminded by my own brain of when George went into detective dumbass mode to sniff out fred and Oliver

Spinnet: anyway that started because angie went through Oliver’s stuff and he reacted like a startled npc

Spinnet: so

Bell: oh yeahhhh

Spinnet: Ollie

Spinnet: what exactly was it you were afraid of her finding

Spinnet: @Quaffle

Spinnet: @Quaffle

Bell: quidditch

Quaffle: nothing

Spinnet: …

Greckles: neither she nor I will let this drop fess up

Quaffle: literally nothing

Johnson: not the photos of you and Fred I pretended were of Charlie?

Quaffle: JOHNSON

Freckles: circe’s simpering sonnets

Freckles: wait

Freckles: no… 

Quaffle: no she’s being annoying

Freckles: no I was going to ask if she actually managed to mistake me for Charlie

Johnson: nope but I don’t tell secrets

Johnson: unless bletchley decides to be a prick then that’s his problem

Bell: what did he do last time? I’ll fight him

Johnson: oh he just assumed I was interested in him

Johnson: I think he learnt his lesson

Johnson: anyway there were photos and they weren’t very incriminating but judging by your reactions I’m probably very lucky I didn’t look too hard

Quaffle: what are you on about

Freckles: she’s mad obviously

Spinnet: face it none of us believe you

Spinnet: you’re sappy gits but tbh I don’t want to know any more than that

Greckles: neither do I 

Freckles: oh I haven’t even got to paying you and Lee back for my trauma

Greckles: oh  _ no _

Greckles: I told you that was an accident

Freckles: whatever

**Draco Arseface Malfoy**

Saturday 11:38

Malfoy: Bitch

Saturday 12:43

Malfoy: I can’t believe you had your phone volume on while trying to sneak around invisibly you fucking idiot

You: I can’t believe you were so terrified of a couple of snowballs you fucking idiot

Malfoy: Wouldn’t  _ you _ be concerned when there’s someone invisible around? I bet you’d scream like a pansy bitch

You: What, like you? I have things to help with that

You: Like a brain

Malfoy: Anyway enjoy being grounded

You: Oh it’s not like I’ve already been kept from going to hogsmeade or anything nope

You: Anyway enjoy being an arse-faced prat terrified of a few snowballs

Malfoy: I’m going to smack you so hard when we next play you’ll be spitting broom twigs

You: Good luck keeping up with me lmao

Malfoy: I hate you SO much

You: Same to you, bitch

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Sunday 13:54

Spinnet: George

Greckles: yes my love

Spinnet: explain why Fred is screaming at annoying intervals

Greckles: perce is trying to speak

Johnson: so fred is screaming?

Greckles: it covers up the noise

You: Well now both of them are just screaming at each other

Greckles: I know isn’t it hilarious

You: Pretty yeah

Spinnet: I am  _ trying _ to  _ nap _

Quaffle: aren’t you in your dorm

Johnson: we can hear them crystal clear

Quaffle: I swear you guys have more silencing charms than we do

Spinnet: exactly

Spinnet: oh thank god they’ve stopped

Bell: no, they haven’t

Greckles: percy ran out of breath briefly dw usual schedule will be back on in a sec

You: Hermione is about to join in

Greckles: knew she had a thing for one of us

You: … 

You: What

Greckles: we’re irresistible

You: I mean she looks like she’s about to take both of their heads off but ok

Quaffle: Granger? Standing up to Perce? Are you filming this?

Greckles: who do you think we are

Greckles: Ginny has it covered

Bell: watching Ron try to plead with hermione is so funny

Bell: you can see he adores her 

Bell: he’s like a puppy

Bell: but he still says all the wrong things

You: Tell me about it

Johnson: what are either of them even trying to say

You: I think Percy said something about studying and their mum

Greckles: fred isn’t trying to say anything he just doesn’t want to hear what percy has to say

Bell: he’s just screaming ‘what’ every time, louder

Spinnet: I’m gonna come down there and bludgeon them both in a minute

Spinnet: I do not care if I get dressed first 

Bell: Alicia!

Greckles: well that got someone’s attention

You: What is going on

Bell: stay upstairs alicia it’s fine

Bell: I think

Spinnet: I mean they’re still shouting

Johnson: here’s a radical idea: silencing charms

Greckles: but screaming :(

You: Fred is about to go hoarse

Quaffle: I’ve done it

Freckles: oliver cancel that spell right now

Quaffle: no

Freckles: how can I persuade you into it

Quaffle: idk how can you

Freckles: well let’s see

Spinnet: can yall do this in pm there are children present

You: Prime minister?

You: Also hey

Johnson: private message

You: Oh right 

You: That makes more sense

Bell: the speed at which those two disappeared makes me want to bleach my brain

Greckles: it might not be bleach but I do have something that might help

Johnson: I’ll be there in two minutes

Greckles: lovely

Greckles: it’s a date ladies

Bell: love how you can say that while sitting in Lee’s lap

Greckles: ;)

Greckles: he’s on a standing invitation

You: Wait Oliver silenced Hermione too and I can’t remember the counterspell

You: Guys

You: Hey guys

You: Neither Ron or I can remember and she’s getting very upset

You: Help?

You: Guys??

You: :(

**Snape sucks**

Sunday 14:22

Crookshanks: I change my mind I hate this family

Ronald: :(

Crookshanks: At least I have enough brainpower left to think to text you the counterspell

Ronald: :)

Crookshanks: Idiots


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses except for my very poor self-control 😔

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Wednesday 18:34

Montague: saw malfoy with a bloody nose running through the comn rm anyone know what’s up w that

You: Yeah Hermione punched him

Bletchley: Jesus Christ

Bletchley: go granger

Freckles: oh my merlin she did not

Quaffle: jessu she’s feisty

You: Yep

Spinnet: jessu

Bell: jessu

Ginny: jessu

Higgs: jessu

Norberta: Jessu

Quaffle: stfu I’m occupied

Bell: ‘occupied’

Greckles: please remind us to get Granger something nice this weekend

Spinnet: I love that girl

Spinnet: even if she’s annoying sometimes 

Johnson: you’re so nice alicia 

Spinnet: I know right

Warrington: you guys are fuckin weird

Warrington: also tell granger thanks 

You: Will do

Malfoy: Fucking Potter spreading shit again

Flint: You’re just salty you got pummelled by the girl you whine about incessantly

Pucey: tbh almost as much as potter, just you know

Higgs: less sexually charged

Malfoy: Shut the hell up before I hex you bloody suckfaces

Higgs: wow I’m terrified

Pucey: what kind of insult is that?

Bell: hahaha oh dear

Freckles: side eyes

Greckles: side eyes

You: I really don’t want to know

Higgs: you sure about that?

You: 100%

Pucey: aw he’s missing out

You: Somehow I doubt it

Spinnet: one day lads

Spinnet: one day it’ll click

Ginny: until then we just have to keep up the crusade

Greckles: I thought you’d be against this

Ginny: well think again, bitch

Ginny: also where’s Fred you’re on your own again

Greckles: don’t wanna know tbh

Johnson: well I just found out

Derrick: that doesn’t sound good

Johnson: yeah I don’t recommend going into the sixth year dorm for the next like hour

Bell: _occupied_

Greckles: I did say I  _ didn’t _ want to know

Johnson: tough luck

Greckles: but babe :(

Johnson: don’t even try it 

Johnson: I don’t know what you’re trying but don’t

Warrington: have I mentioned how weird you lot are

Greckles: you’re just jealous ;)

Warrington: why the hell would I be jealous

Bletchley: I can think of a reason

Bletchley: two reasons, possibly

Warrington: you can stop spouting crap that’s what

Montague: why am I alive

Greckles: that’s life, babe

Bole: for the love of salazar, shut up

Derrick: and stop saying babe it’s annoying

Greckles: you’re just mad I’m ahead of all the trends

Johnson: yeah but you’re on the brink of starting the kick George’s arse trend

Greckles: ;)

Montague: I think I actually hate you

19:03

You: @Malfoy shut the fuck up

Malfoy: ????? I sneezed

You: SHUT up

Malfoy: Jesus fucking Christ

You: Sh.

Pucey: go Potter

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Thursday 12:34

Ginny: @Fred @Charlie WHAT DO WE DO

Freckles: what???? I don’t know!!!

Norberta: No idea!!!

Johnson: when did weasley juniore get here

Ginny: what? But you’re the oldest!!

Bell: randomly adding an e does not make it feminine angie

Norberta: Do you really think Bill let us make a single important decision in our lives?? Look at us!

Freckles: george makes the decisions for both of us!!

Ginny: what, like getting us stuck here?

Greckles: look I just have better opinions ok

Spinnet: and that’s that on that

Freckles: who’s snogging the captain?

Greckles: and who’s snogging our best friend? Personally I think I win

Norberta: Have to disagree with you fred

Norberta: No offence ollie but you’re my brother now anyway

Quaffle: I what

Greckles: yep

Freckles: Harry’s adopted, Charlie’s bf is adopted, Hermione’s probably going to be married in, Lee’s pretty much already married in, not sure about perce’s love life and Bill’s boring, so you’re next :)

Freckles: <3

You: Wait what do you mean Hermione’s going to be married in? -Ron

Ginny: well if you won’t do it ron, I will

Ginny: you’d be insane not to want to tho

Ginny: which reminds me I have another chat to make

Ginny: ANYWAY HOW THE FUCK DO WE GET OUT OF FILCHS OFFICE I STG

Freckles: honestly if we weren’t surrounded by disturbing torture apparatus I would have forgotten

Greckles: this place is like home

Greckles: look at how many fanged frisbees are here

Bell: are you guys ok

Freckles: we won’t be if our man Argus comes back any time soon but yeah for now

Greckles: we’ve found some awesome new stuff to play with

Spinnet: oh bloody hell

Norberta: Okay I finally got hold of Danny

Norberta: There should be a filing cabinet like behind the door on the right. The top drawer will be locked

Norberta: An alohamora will do it

Norberta: You’ll be able to get the key to whatever extra measures he felt the need to put in place today there

Ginny: THANK YOU 

Ginny: THANK YOU DANNY

Ginny: ok hold on

Freckles: oh no

**Family tree expansion pack**

Thursday 12:46

_ Ginny added you _

_ Ginny added Freckles _

Quaffle: I think ‘oh no’ was right

_ Ginny added Greckles _

Unsaved contact [mulled wine]: what’s going on ? I thought you were stuck in Filch’s office

_ Ginny added Leek _

_ Ginny added Bill _

Greckles: so I think Ginny has just had a magic brain moment

Leek: who’s all here then

Ginny: every Weasley disaster + Hermione + you + Danny + oliver

You: And me

Ginny: you were officially adopted as a Weasley disaster like two years ago

You: :’)

Ginny: anyway debating adding malfoy even though he’s a slimy git

Crookshanks: Goodness! This is interesting

You: wtf no why

Ronald: gin I’m still not sure I like what you’re implying

Ronald: in two places now wtf

Ginny: I don’t care beansprout boy

Daniel: ahahaha beansprout 

Bill: well this is certainly an interesting idea gin

Headboy: I hate this house

Ginny: Anyway thank you so much @Daniel for getting me and my useless brothers out of there

Ginny: I think we owe you our lives there was some wacky electrical lightning shit up in there

Greckles: thought we were gonna get fried

Daniel: oh er actually that might have been something Tonks set up

Daniel: I’m glad you got out all right though

Bill: of course Tonks did it

Daniel: honestly it could have been one of Barnaby’s ideas or even something of Jae’s we borrowed, at this point it’s all one big blur

Norberta: Tell me about it

Bill: you were barely present for any of it dragon boy

Norberta: Hey I helped

Danny: ofc you did :)

Headboy: Just about

Norberta: You weren’t even  _ there _ you arse

Headboy: And yet I was still more aware of the goings on than you were

Norberta: I highly doubt that

Ginny: this tea is delicious

Norberta: We fixed the vaults and the school ended up ok

Norberta: You were just an annoying stuck up whining about rules all the time

Freckles: you lot maybe started a student militia but it all worked out

Leek: so  _ that’s _ what you weren’t telling me

Daniel: well, 

Norberta: ?

Daniel: yeah idk where I was going with that

Daniel: everyone here came out all right in the end ig

Bill: You did incredible work and saved the school, as a student!

You: That sounds familiar

Bill: stop being so hard on yourself

Daniel: :(

Daniel: Harry I hope you never have to go through that

Norberta: Hey where are you?

Daniel: Nuna’s hiding place

Norberta: I’ll be there in five minutes

Ginny: :’(

Bill: they’ll be all right

Ronald: Harry’s right though he’s saved the school twice already and Daniel did it like, every year

You: And I probably will again if voldemort keeps coming back

Crookshanks: You’ll have us to help you! We’re going to show him what’s what >:)

Ginny: and to think: none of this would be happening if mr dumbbells door would do his job properly!

Greckles: rip dumbbells :/

Freckles: we should leave him a token of our appreciation

Greckles: we  _ have _ recently come into possession of some very cool things

Leek: I think, my love, it is time to hold a planning meeting

Greckles: I think you may be right >:)

Ginny: send doombuggy all of my love

Freckles: will do

Leek: for your, Daniel and Harry’s sakes we shall torment him to the end of his days

Ginny:  _ wonderful _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are almost at the end of the year... we're getting there lads, we're getting there  
> I really need to write more chapters but I keep getting distracted by all my star wars ideas :( I shall do my best!

**Gryffindor Quidditch**

Friday 14:32

Quaffle: right

Quaffle: this is it

Quaffle: the day of reckoning is tomorrow

Angel(ina): chill

Quaffle:  _ excuse _ me

Katie: hype hype hype hype!

Freckles: we’re gonna kick slytherin’s arse so hard they won’t be able to sit on their brooms for weeks

Angel(ina): I just don’t want you saying anything stupid to our self sacrificing idiot,  _ oliver _

Quaffle: hmm I see your point

You: I feel a disturbance in the Force

Greckles: yes, she did mean you

You: :(

You: I have nothing to defend myself with

One fear: you have a broom you can smack malfoy around the head with… 

One fear: just saying :)

Spinnings: ginevra no

One fear: ginevra yes

Spinnings: ginevra don’t tell anyone but you secretly have my full support

One fear: >:))

Quaffle: ANYWAY we’ve gotta win

Spinnings: katie what’s the tally at now

Katie: twenty six times today

Quaffle: ok no arguments no room for failure

Quaffle: and stop making fun of me we NEED to win

Katie: twenty seven

Greckles: oooh don’t worry 

Freckles: we have plenty of motivation

Norberta: God I wish I could come and watch

You: We’ll sneak you in?

Angel(ina): we’ll smuggle you in from hogsmeade

Norberta: I wish

**Snape sucks**

Friday 15:24

You: So it turns out I changed some of my contact names after George sneaked me those drinks last night

You: I just spent an hour trying to figure out which Slytherins I’d named Idiot Moron Annoying Loud and Fuckface

Ronaldo: was it Malfoy lmao I hope so

You: I meant five separate contacts

Crookshanks: He has a valid point

You: Hmm true

Ronaldo: thanks guys

You: No problem

Crookshanks: So is it sorted?

You: I think so

You: I don’t think I’m very creative though

Ronaldo: it’s all right perce and hermione just keep them as people’s boring names you’re fine

You: Thanks Ronaldo

Ronaldo: I take it back

Crookshanks: Better than it could be

Ronaldo: is that a threat

Crookshanks: Do you want it to be?

Ronaldo: I

You: Wow hahaha

You: Oh god no I think he might actually have broken

Crookshanks: Boys

Crookshanks: Always overreacting

You: I don’t

Crookshanks: …

You: What

You: I don’t

Crookshanks: Don’t worry Harry

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Friday 17:43

Greyham: ugh can yall stop being obnoxious over there

Freckles: uhhh, says you?

Greyham: why do I try

Katie: ok but are you guys actually okay you’re kinda weird

Katie: it looks like someone’s about to cry

Spinnings: katie who cares 

Katie: I do :(

Malfoy: We’re better than you, that’s what

You: Choke

Blotches: we’re all right

Blotches: adrian may be having a small crisis but we’re good

Pucey: I’m beginning to think my only talent is breathing and maybe existing

Higgs: honey you have asthma

Pucey:  _ SHIT _

Greckles: ajsadhdhlsfhlaldsf ahahahah

Angel(ina): legend over there

Norberta: Ugh snap

Freckles: GUESS WHO GOT DETENTION FOR YELLING ‘EAT MY ARSE’ AT CASSIUS IN THE CORRIDOR!!!!

Angel(ina): why are you so proud of this

Bowl: ok weirdo

Cassandra: I’m gonna kill you weasley I stg

Blotches: or are u ???? side eyes

Greyham: careful what you wish for weasley

Freckles: Flitwick is going to have to write that on the detention slip and I’m going to have a front row seat to mcg’s expression when she sees it

Quaffle: I swear to fuck if you’ve just got yourself banned from the match

Freckles: no no!! It’s fine!!! It’s for tonight in like twenty minutes he compromised on punishment

Quaffle: suddenly I’m very glad we pushed practise up to before dinner

Greckles: for once, I agree

Greckles: also I am so proud of you freddie

Quaffle: me too

Freckles: me three :’)

You: For once, it wasn’t me

Quaffle: don’t you dare

You: I never  _ try! _

Katie: that’s fair people just hate him

Malfoy: Why wouldn’t they

You: I am so tempted to take Ginny’s advice

You:  _ So _ tempted

One fear:  _ do it _

Freckles: >:)

Angel(ina): all-righty time to call a meeting in the common room before someone gets shanked

Quaffle: good idea

Blotches: :(

Flint: Whose fuckin side are you on

Blotches: mine :)

Cassandra: death’s if you ain’t careful

Blotches: :(

22:09

Freckles: okay so our man Filius chickened out and didn’t write what I said but Minnie asked me anyway and then when she asked me why I said ‘because I wanted to see what he’d do’ and she told me to sit down and mADE ME TEA

Freckles: I FUCKING WIN

Malfoy: What?

Malfoy: What are you winning Weasley what the hell

Freckles:  _ life _

Greckles: ha in your FACE

Cassandra: are you always so easily pleased?

Greckles: only if you know the right way about it ;)

Katie: ew

Cassandra: suddenly I can’t read

23:45

Higgs: @Cassandra coward

**Family tree expansion pack**

Saturday 00:03

One fear: if you guys don’t win tomorrow I’m kicking your arses @Freckles @Greckles

Freckles: dw so will we

Greckles: that’s if oliver doesn’t kill himself first 

Freckles: :(

Quaffle: I wouldn’t

Freckles: oh really

Quaffle: really

Freckles:  _ oh really now _

Quaffle: ok my track record may not be very good

Leek: it’s shite mate

Quaffle: but I promise???

Norberta: You’re going to win anyway don’t fuss

Bill:  _ why _ are you all awake

You: Adrenaline

Ronald: excitement

Leek: reasons

Greckles: I’m reasons

One fear: disgusting

Daniel: insomnia

Bill: D:

Daniel: jk Charlie’s making hot chocolate

Norberta: Hell yeah I am

Crookshanks: At two in the morning?

Norberta: When better

Headboy: Literally any other time

Greckles: no u just suck perce

Ronaldo: agreed

Crookshanks: Ron that’s mean

Ronaldo: sorry I take it back

Ronaldo: you’re just annoying

One fear: merlin

You: Free me from this pain

Freckles: if we have to suffer them so do you

Leek: he gets the full brunt of it tho

Freckles: :/

Greckles: Harry is our unsung hero he deserves a medal

Crookshanks: All of you are horrible

Bill: can we just say good luck for the match and then go to sleep?

Daniel: good luck!!! Just remember that if you don’t win you’ll be bringing shame upon our house once again and Minerva may or may not cry

Freckles: jesus christ

One fear: lmao I didn't realise we're all gryffs? Mad

Greckles: could we please lighten up in here

Daniel: no <3

Daniel: hot chocolate is here I shall bid you all goodnight and don’t fall off your brooms

Norberta: Don’t mind him

Norberta: Good luck! Don’t overstretch, remember to look after yourselves and each other and mostly Harry

You: This is bullying

Quaffle: we will :)

Leek: oliver is using emojis someone knock him out before he starts trying to take over the world

Headboy: He’s going to sleep now

Bill: you all should too

You: Night

Freckles: sweet dreams

One fear: make sure you win!

Ronaldo: just go to sleep

One fear : >:P


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The much awaited match!  
> Just to warn, there's unlikely to be a chapter next Sunday seeing as I'll be moving into halls that day, and I need a little time to write some more of this (and also... get my shamefully neglected cherik big bang entry finished...)  
> Hope you enjoy!!

**Lads on tour**

Saturday 11:14

Nevillle: Good luck Harry!!!

Totspurs: Go on mate Malfoy’s no match for you

You: Haha thanks I’ll try

Shay: I can already taste Gryffindor victory

Totspurs: Oi don’t jinx it

You: Maybe,, don’t jinx it

Shay: :( ok

**Family tree expansion pack**

Saturday 11:27

Norberta: Good luck everyone!!

One fear: thanks!

Norberta: You’re not playing

One fear: and yet I still have to deal with the emotional toll

Danny: that’s valid

Leek: so I may have spent ten minutes looking through my bag for my phone  _ with _ my phone torch

Greckles: lmfaooo

Freckles: wow you’re dumb

Ronald: lmao dude where was it

Crookshanks: I

Headboy: Oh dear

You: Oh my g o d

Ronaldo: WAIT

Freckles: okay! We have another instant win

Norberta: Sorry Lee you’ve been replaced immediately as dumbest fucker out there

Greckles: ronnie boy you’ve just taken top spot

Ronaldo: I hate all of you

One fear: despair.jpg

Quaffle: MATCH TIME GET IN THE CHANGING ROOMS FFS

Freckles: @Bill send help

Bill: no

Freckles: :(

Bill: <3

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 15:49

Freckles: YES KINGS

Katie: !!!!! YEAH!

Greckles: WE DID IT

Spinnings: IN YOUR FACES!!!!!!!

Greyham: do you have to rub it in

Angel(ina): yes.

You: HELL YEAH!!!!!

Blotches: aight fair

Bowl:  _ simp _

Blotches: :/ can’t argue

Greckles: we did it we did it we did it we did it we did it we did it

Spinnings: we fucking WON CAN YOU GET ON OUR LEVEL!!

Freckles: wooooooooooOooooooOooooooooooooooooooOooo!!!!!!!!! 

Greckles: LETS GOOO!!!

Quaffle: Flint, I’d like to say that was a good game

Flint: Cheers but I don’t really want to hear it

Katie: he said he’d like to not that he could

Higgs: ouch

Pucey:  _ jesus _

Spinnings: *jessu

Pucey: sorry,  _ jessu _

Cassandra: ok nice win well done can we get that over with now

Freckles: NO WE DID IT LET US GLOAT

Greckles: THIS WAS LITERALLY THE CUP

Malfoy: Sulking is unbecoming Cassius

Cassandra: says fucking you

You: Pot kettle bloody black

Malfoy: Shove off Potter

One fear: please learn to flirt

Malfoy: You’re twelve

One fear: and a lot less repressed than you but ok queen

Spinnings: Ginevra Can I Adopt You Please

Freckles: please do

Greckles: she’s a menace

Norberta: It’s more like mum will adopt  _ you _ but you can try

One fear: @Spinnings mum :’)

Spinnings: :o

Spinnings: ;-;

Freckles: oof

Greckles: still, WE BEAT YOU SNAKIES

Katie: fun fact Oliver is being the loudest he’s just so busy being loud at us he doesn’t have the time to roast you all by text

Katie: hold on why is Alicia crying into her butterbeer and hugging Ginny

Freckles: ^^^

Katie: ohh

Bowl: yo wtf I leave for two minutes

Blotches: you came on just to call me a simp wow

Bowl: yeah and

Greyham: he isn’t wrong

Derrick: yo Weasley @Greckles I know he's not supposed to go rambling but can you ask your boyfriend about the rest of that dream he was talking about before mcg shut him up? it sounded great

Greckles: what... what dream?

Higgs: were you not listening?

Derrick: he got bored waiting for us to get out of stalemate and started talking about his dream involving an ice cream cone, that barmy knight portrait and something we didn't get to hear

Greckles: ohhhh

Greckles: that one

Greckles: you probably don't want to hear the end of that dream

Cassandra: wtf

Greckles: I can tell you, however, that it was fantastic fun to reenact

Freckles: you're so disgusting ew

Greckles: says you, hypocrite

Freckles: :/

Freckles: @Quaffle defend our honour

Quaffle: no this is your fault

Freckles: :0

Freckles:  _ betrayal _

You: @Malfoy are you still salty

Malfoy: No

Malfoy: I never was

Spinnings: fake but ok

You: ha ha :P

Malfoy: Are you an actual child

Malfoy: Meet me on the grounds and duel me again

You: K

Malfoy: Fuck you

You: I’m not fucking falling for that again

Malfoy: Wait what

Greckles: omg if you’d said k again I would have yelled

One fear: mega side eyes 

**Family tree expansion pack**

Saturday 16:21

_ One fear added Malfoy _

You: Why.

Freckles: gin  _ no _

Ronaldo: what the actual fuck

Bill: hello what

Ronaldo: we were celebrating and you do _this_

Headboy: Oh dear

Malfoy: ?????

Malfoy: What the shit is this Weasley

Crookshanks: Oh, it’s you

Daniel: ouch someone was just murdered

Daniel: omg baby Malfoy it’s you

Malfoy: Oh Circe’s tits

Daniel: Language

Norberta: Daniel Mulligan I love you

Greckles: legend over there

Leek: oh my gods ahhahaaha

Daniel: love you too dragon boy :P

You: So. When can we kick him.

Malfoy: I can see you on the hill stop texting and duel me

You: How about you stop texting huh?

Malfoy: Duel. Now.

Daniel: are you merula 2.0

Malfoy: Ugh

Headboy: Yes, he is

Malfoy: Shut up.

You: So, we going to duel or?

Ronaldo: if i die in the crossfire avenge me @Crookshanks

Crookshanks: I’ll do it even if you don’t 

Ronaldo: :’)

One fear: I love you hermione

Leek: I’m getting a solid ‘who doesn’t’ vibe

Freckles: yeah

Greckles: yep

Crookshanks: :)

17:05

Crookshanks: JPEG_2084

Malfoy: What how the fuck did you get in my room

Crookshanks: Theodore Nott let me in while you were out play fighting

Freckles: side eyes

Daniel: who won?

Leek: Harry ofc

Malfoy: And you put books on my bed?

Crookshanks: Educate yourself.

Malfoy: Granger what in Merlin’s name

Malfoy: These are about civil rights

Malfoy: Granger

Malfoy: Granger

Malfoy: @Crookshanks

Malfoy: Granger?

19:56

Malfoy: Oh

23:12

You: @Malfoy fuck you we still won


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Guess what? I didn't think I'd have a chapter up for this week, either, but here I am!! We movin lads ;)

**Family tree expansion pack**

Tuesday 07:34

You: Malfoy I’m changing your name to Snake

Malfoy: Why are you telling me

You: Just so you know

Ronaldo: it’s so when he inevitably asks ‘who the fuck is snake’ in like two days you can tell him

You: Shut up Ron

Snake: No let him speak

Daniel: side eyes

Norberta: @One fear now you have danny doing it ffs

One fear: what can i say

Norberta: Sorry would be nice

One fear: nope! :)

Crookshanks: EXAMS

Ronaldo:  _ oh no _

Crookshanks:  _ Stop _ messing around, we have  _ exams _

Freckles: Granger you do know that George Lee and I are the only ones with important ones right

Headboy:  _ ALL _ exams are important

Snake: Agreed.

One fear: :o

Greckles: :000

You: @Snake okay what’s your angle

Snake: What? I agree

You: No there’s something up here

Snake: No, there isn’t

Snake: Don’t be thick, Potter

You: You’re the thick one

Ronaldo: seconded

Greckles: pot kettle hm

Ronaldo: disowned

Greckles: FINALLY

Freckles: ronnie why couldn’t you disown ME

One fear: or me :(

Headboy: Reasons I Wish I Could Disown the Lot of You: Exhibit A

Ronaldo: @Crookshanks now do you see why I’m ‘like this’

Crookshanks: Hmm

Snake: Is it physically possible to have intelligent conversation around here

One fear: yeah but like you gotta wait until the morons are offline

Snake: So everyone?

One fear: do you want to rethink that

Snake: So everyone except you, Granger and William?

One fear: the fact you think bill has more than one brain cell for use outside of cursebreaking… 

One fear: sad

Leek: sadly what you were doing, Malfoy, was not intelligent conversation

Daniel: arguing with Harry is not what we’d call intelligent

Greckles: most would call it arguing, but you call it flirting

Snake: I wish I was anywhere else on this bitch of an Earth

You: How does this stop you being online

Crookshanks: Can we come back to my original point? About studying?? @You @Ronaldo ????

Ronaldo: pls no

You: I’m busy

Crookshanks: With what.

You: Quidditch

Crookshanks: Do you think I’m stupid

Crookshanks: Harry look me in the eye and say that again

You: Quidditch

Crookshanks: You have JUST finished your last match. I was there. I know how Quidditch works. Don’t try it.

You: Worth a go

Freckles: of course mate

Greckles: see you at dinner?

You: If Mione doesn’t drown us in books

Crookshanks: You never know, you might absorb the information by osmosis

Ronaldo: sounds painful

One fear: good luck! :)

Bill: study hard and get good grades!

Ronaldo: yes Bill

You: Yes Bill

Norberta: Merlin I wish I had your power

Bill: suffer

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Thursday 09:21

You: Guys

You: Guys, please

You: For the love of all that is good in this hellscape

Cassandra: wtf is it

You: One of you PLEASE set up a match so I can give Hermione an excuse for us to ‘take a break’ from studying

You: Ron is driving me INSANE

Freckles: he does that

You: I love him sm but dear gods I can’t get anything done ;-;

One fear: ooooh quidditch yes please

Quaffle: omw to mcg rn

Quaffle: mini tournament time

Blotches: YES

Greyham: wow wood doing something useful for once ?? sideyes

One fear: you did it wrong

Spinnings: they’re incompetent leave them be

One fear: ok mum c:

Spinnings: ;^;

Katie: ginny, please stop breaking her

One fear: :c

Katie: … okay you’re excused

One fear: c:<

Greckles: evil I tell you

One fear: >:3c

Freckles: e v i l

Norberta: Proud of u Gin

One fear: !!!! :’)

Quaffle: it took a bit of persuasion but mcg agreed 

Quaffle: spread the word: slytherin v gryffindor and ravens v huffs, any willing participants no matter what level/age, from this afternoon to sunday evening 1pm-3pm

Quaffle: winners play next week

Freckles: NICE

Norberta: Can I join

Freckles: good one babe!!

Angel(ina): ew I forgot ollie had bad taste

Spinnings: literally how

Angel(ina): determination

Flint: word’s out

Cassandra: thumbs up

Pucey: I’m in!!!!

Katie: @Norberta omg omg I’d die please join that would be so fun

Greckles: ajfhkghw f brING DANNY

Norberta: Okay I really would if I could but I can’t

You: :(

Freckles: look now you’ve made Harry sad

Norberta: D:

You: :c

Norberta: Nooooo

You: Lmao

Norberta: Wow you cheeky shit

Greckles: isn’t he just :’)

Snake: Let’s go Potter I’ll beat you for sure this time

You: Try me bitch

Snake: Oh it’s fucking on

Greyham: less fucking more flying lads

Blotches: eyes on that snitch drakey

Snake: I’ll shove it up your arse if you’re not careful Millie

Blotches: don’t talk to bullstrode like that she’s not even on this chat

Snake: ha ha very funny

Derricking: gottem

Bowl: millie lmao 

Blotches: I hope you fall down the stairs

Derricking: who

Blotches: all of you

15:06

Freckles: HOLY SHIT I THINK YOU BROKE HARRY

Norberta: ???

Greckles: hooooo boy

Greckles: oh boy oh boy oh boy this is TEA

Spinnings: JPEG_4035

Katie: Creevey is actually a god for getting this it’s confirmed

Norberta: Hmm, inchresting

Freckles:  _ indeed _

One fear: do you think they’ve figured it out yet??

Blotches: oh draco’s just in denial it was only potter left

Norberta: Wait the snitch was behind Harry and Malfoy got it???

Derricking: Potter’s losing his touch

You: Excuse me

You: This is all Malfoy’s fault!

Bowl: was it the way he reached over your shoulder?

Greyham: or the way he was almost on your broom with you?

You: Hey what does that mean

Snake: All of you need to get lives wtf is this shit

Cassandra: sorry no can do we find your joint idiocy too entertaining

Flint: Please get your heads out of your arses and play properly

Quaffle: it was fine when harry could use it to his advantage even if he didn’t know why it worked

Spinnings: sadly Malfoy caught on :( tragic times

Katie: at least they might work it out now!!!

Spinnings: sorry darling but I think you might be waiting a while

Freckles: still I’m really loving the dazed/shocked/wtf help look on Harry’s face…

Freckles: glorious

Greckles: too good to be true

Snake: Ugh

Cassandra: don’t pretend you aren’t literally freaking out you annoying shit

Snake: All right snake! Get bludgered!

Flint: Original

You: Hypocrite

Higgs: he’s fucking grinning this is so sad

Pucey: WWN play despacito

Spinnings: dhsfgdskfhs lmaoo

Higgs: Parkinson and Zabini are so done w you draco it’s so funny look at them

Higgs: JPEG_2495

Freckles: rip malfoy 

Greckles: in life he was a dick but no one deserves to die via surgical removal of jugular by parkinson’s four inch razor nails

Spinnings: girl’s insane but I can respect that

One fear: oooh razor nails…

Spinnings: no

One fear: you can’t tell me what to do

Spinnings: as your mother I can

One fear: oh

One fear: ok mum 

One fear: :(

One fear: ;-;

Spinnings: ok maybe we can think about razor nails

Katie: ALICIA NO

Angel(ina): alicia maybe… 

Freckles:  _ alicia y e s _

Spinnings: ;)

Greckles: okay  _ I _ want razor nails

Pucey: me too!!

Quaffle: hm I think this is the part where we fear for our lives

Higgs: YA THINK


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main event, for now...

**Family tree expansion pack**

Friday 17:34

Crookshanks: Oh I HATE this

Crookshanks: I hate it I hate it I hate it

Crookshanks: UGH

One fear: Hermione are you okay?

Freckles: is this because exams are over?

Crookshanks: No.

One fear: I’m sorry, is there anything we can do to help?

Freckles: ok, do we need to throw hands for you? We’ll throw hands for you

Greckles: just point us in the right direction!

Crookshanks: No

Crookshanks: But thank you

Bill: What is it Hermione?

Crookshanks: Buckbeak. They wouldn’t fucking LISTEN or even CARE and today is his execution day and I just HATE IT SO MUCH

Norberta: Oh Merlin no… 

Danny: oh I’m so sorry that sucks so much

Ronaldo: we’re going to see Hagrid

Greckles: would you like us to come with?

Crookshanks: No, we’ll be fine

You: I have my cloak, but even the three of us are a tight fit

Freckles: ah I see

Greckles: tell him we’re there in spirit :(

Snake: I am sorry, Granger

Crookshanks: YOU BETTER BE

Crookshanks: Don’t come NEAR or I won’t stop myself from punching you again!!

Crookshanks: Bastard.

You: Hermione we’ll go help Hagrid, all right?

You: He could probably do with a visit

You: My cloak’s still under the statue though

Crookshanks: I’ll get it

Crookshanks: But I just feel so awful about everything

Ronaldo: but you did so much!!!

You: You and Ron did loads, mione, with all that research for the case

Crookshanks: But it wasn’t  _ enough, _ was it??

Ronaldo: hold on, we’re coming to you

Ronaldo: you can’t blame yourself you’ve been taking a million classes and we don’t know how you’re still alive right now

Crookshanks: Sheer determination.

Ronaldo: see? You really are brilliant

Crookshanks: Thanks, Ron

Ronaldo: :)

Crookshanks: I have it, Harry

You: Come on, we’re on our way

18:02

Ronaldo: WE FOUND SCABBERS

You: Hagrid had him

Freckles: well, shit

Ronaldo: hey wtf fred

Headboy: That’s mean, Scabbers never did anything to you

Greckles: debatable

Norberta: Debatable

Bill: well at least we know the cat didn’t eat him

Ronaldo: hold on we gotta run Fudge is coming

Snake: He is?

Crookshanks: He is, yes, with Dumbledore.

Snake: Oh

Crookshanks: I still hate you

Leek: understandable

One fear: hey are you guys all right? 

One fear: don’t get caught 

You: Well, now we’re chasing a rat

Freckles: hate to say we told you so

You: Uh oh

Bill: Harry?

Headboy: Uh oh what?

Quaffle: ????

Daniel: what’s going on?

Bill: Harry, are you there?

Freckles: it’s probably scabbers, right?

One fear: don’t tell me, he fell into the ravine

Greckles: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Leek: babe how did you do that

Greckles: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Freckles: :/

20:23

Leek: so @You @Ronaldo @Crookshanks have you got him?

One fear: yeah what happened??

21:08

Bill: Guys?

22:53

Crookshanks: Okay! Update time for the last however many hours: Sirius Black is innocent and Lupin's bff  _ and _ never killed anyone! It was, instead, Ron’s rat Scabbers who did it because he's actually an animagus by the name of Peter Pettigrew!  _ He's _ also now escaped fuck knows where, Sirius and Harry were almost sucked off by dementors and Sirius was captured because Snape fucking sucks and now we're all in the hospital wing and no one wants to listen to us let alone believe us. Ron may or may not be high rn bc Black accidentally broke his leg. Black is also an animagus, just a btw, which is how he’s been getting into the school. Apparently Harry’s been seeing him (as a dog) around all year and he’s friends with my cat. Looks like the grim, probably has mange, maybe rabid.

Bill: holy shit

Leek: err

Leek: c-can we go back to the bit about the dementors???

You: I’d rather not

Freckles: hmm okay?

Greckles: are you guys like actually all right

Crookshanks: Dumbledore’s here hold on we’ll explain in a bit

Freckles: ok

Crookshanks: Phew okay

Crookshanks: Good news!

Crookshanks: Don’t tell anyone but we saved them

Leek: oh awesome did he believe you???

Crookshanks: What? No

Greckles: weren’t you just talking to dumbles? Like a second ago?

Crookshanks: OH

Crookshanks: Er, yes

Ronaldo: I thidfk I’m huloocinating

Ronaldo: hsjmine and harry just disppeeered n ran in agaan

Greckles: is he ok

Crookshanks: Yes, yes

You: He’s fine

Snake: Circe’s tits, Granger has a time-turner

Bill: What??

Crookshanks: What? Malfoy, that’s ridiculous!!

You: Wtf how did you know?

Crookshanks: HARRY

Snake: Don’t play coy, Granger. Haven’t you heard everyone talking about you being everywhere at once this year?

Ronaldo: thot I was goin mad

Greckles: too late for that man

Freckles: a time turner??? Really???

Leek: that’s insane!!

Crookshanks: Fine! Yes! I was taking too many subjects, but McGonagall got me one so I could do them all

Crookshanks: Dumbledore told me to use it 

Leek: wait so you just relived like six hours

Freckles: how are you even awake rn

Bill: Dementors? Animagi? Mass murderers???

Norberta: Careful there, don’t pass out old man

Bill: oh shut up

Danny: this is wild ngl 

Leek: anyway did no one learn anything from Alien?

Freckles: ??

Leek: you always listen to the woman with the cat

You: Lmao

Greckles: ffs

Crookshanks: Thanks

Leek: ;)

Bill: Anyway, can we please Merlin actually hear what happened?? Mum’s going to throw a fit if we tell her something that vague

Snake: I’d also like to know

You: That’s because you’re a nosy fuck

Snake: And?

Crookshanks: Okay boys, buckle up

Crookshanks: It’s kind of a long one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just an fyi but I've started dumping my longer & more serious hp fics onto my account because even though I've worked really hard on them I just cannot bring myself to continue/write more with JK being the way she is (but I still want to put it out there for me and for the people who may benefit from it, you know?)  
> That said, apparently my brain does not properly count this as Harry Potter, and so don't worry about me leaving you hanging. I'll be writing until I deem myself finished, whenever that may be :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking it out this far! What will the lads do next? Who knows! :)

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Monday 11:12

Blotches: so lads and ladies how we feeling!!

Angel(ina): wonderful now that I won’t have to see your face for a whole six weeks

Blotches: I,,,

Cassandra: lmao

Greyham: wrecked

Spinnings: good good waiting for the lunch trolley I am starving

Katie: where are you? I brought snacks from breakfast :)

Spinnings: Katie Kat,,, I’m love you

Katie: <3

One fear: now I have two adopted mums!

Katie: :o

Katie: :’)

Freckles: ginny stop before you induct the whole house into our family

Greckles: at least she’s keeping it to gryffindors

Norberta: For now

You: ginny no

One fear: >:)

Bowl: everyone excited for the world cup final?

Quaffle: Yes!!

Freckles: absolutely!!

Greyham: do you even have to ask?

Pucey: you know it!

Norberta: Bill and I are very glad to have an excuse to come home, the quidditch cup is like a super bonus

You: !!

Freckles: oh no, it’ll be clash of the seekers

One fear: it’s gonna be so fun

Snake: Having enough people in one house for actual friendlies sounds nice

Derrick: yeah well :/

Cassandra: you know how it is

Higgs: are you guys really whining about being upper class snobs

Freckles: what did you expect

Higgs: :/ good point

Pucey: maybe we can meet over summer…?

Bowl: an interesting proposal

Greckles: is this a snakes only event

Pucey: no? 

Freckles: then we’re game!

Blotches: neato

You: I’d love to

You: Just gotta escape my aunt and uncle first I guess

You: Ron says you have a telephone now @Freckles

One fear: apparently 

One fear: I’m excited to see all of them fail at using it

You: Hmm

**Family tree expansion pack**

Monday 12:00

Ronaldo: JPEG_2741

Ronaldo: currently taking owl name suggestions

Freckles: Catherine

Greckles: Ruffles

Daniel: Timothy

Crookshanks: Roger

One fear: Harry

You: @One fear explain

One fear: small

You: :/

Bill: Horus

Crookshanks: Lancelot

Greckles: Stan

Freckles: Luton

Headboy: Newton

Norberta: Gwaine

Leek: Jackie Chan

Snake: Horatio

Crookshanks: Albert

Headboy: Hestia

Daniel: Theodore

Quaffle: Snidget

You: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Freckles: Clacton-on-Sea

Leek: Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans

One fear: Jazzymyne

Snake: Florean Fortescue’s Triple Choc Mint Deluxe

Greckles: Hagrid’s Third Toe

Leek: Yankee Candle Scent #304: Fresh Cotton Sheets

Bill: Thyme

Ronaldo: you’re all awful at this 

Ronaldo: why did I bother

You: Thyme’s all right

Freckles: I do not see the problem with London Stansted Airport as a name for an owl

Norberta: Fred what the actual fuck

Bill: the fact you know what an airport is is quite impressive though

Norberta: hold up is anyone going to ask where this owl came from

Leek: no

Danny: no

Freckles: no

Headboy: If you stole it then I don’t want to know

Ronaldo: h e y

One fear: oh, I know

One fear: Pidgwidgeon

Snake: Might as well

Ronaldo: NO

Freckles: Pig it is

Greckles: wonderful!

One fear: :)

You: I

Crookshanks: Well, then

Ronaldo: I hate this family


	17. Fourth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE  
> And also very apologetic ;-;  
> It's been a while! I watched gof this evening, it kinda kicked me into gear. Fingers hella crossed I can take up some kind of semi-regular updating again, but uni really threw me into the deep end (and I'm also stuck in a star wars vortex, rip). I know this chapter is weird, and short, but I'm sorry it was more difficult than expected :(  
> Thank you for your patience my friends!
> 
>  _Edit: character list to help the both of us keep track :)_  
>  Angel(ina): Angelina Johnson  
> Bill: William Weasley  
> Blotches: Miles Bletchley  
> Bowl: Lucian Bole  
> Cassandra: Cassius Warrington  
> Crookshanks: Hermione Granger  
> Danny: Daniel Mulligan [HPHM MC; OC]  
> Derricking: Peregrine Derrick  
> Flint: Marcus Flint  
> Freckles: Fred Weasley  
> Greckles: George Weasley  
> Greyham: Graham Montague  
> Headboy: Percy Weasley  
> Higgs: Terrence Higgs  
> Katie: Katie Bell  
> Leek: Lee Jordan  
> Nevillle: Neville Longbottom  
> Norberta: Charles Weasley  
> One fear: Ginevra Weasley  
> Pucey: Adrian Pucey  
> Quaffle: Oliver Wood  
> Ronaldo: Ronald Weasley  
> Shay: Seamus Finnigan  
> Snake: Draco Malfoy  
> Spinnings: Alicia Spinnet  
> Totspurs: Dean Thomas  
> You: Harry James Potter

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Sunday 17:56

You: JPEG_3284

You: So fred george ron and their dad just blew a hole in my aunt and uncle's front room and it's the best thing that's happened here since I blew my other aunt up like a balloon last year

Blotches: lmao

Higgs: wow

Bowl: I don’t have the energy to unpack any of that

Freckles: ah yes,

Greckles: our most celebrated skills,

Freckles: causing problems on purpose

Spinnings: oh my god look at the boys lmao

Spinnings: their _faces_

Angel(ina): classics

Greckles: hey!!! Muggles are weird to us

Pucey: dude??!?!!

Cassandra: @You can I ask why you’re telling us this

You: Uh

You: Conversation starter

Freckles: you forgot we have a gryff chat didn’t you

You: I did yeah

Greyham: don’t worry we don’t have very exciting lives this is good

You: Awesome because I think they might wring my neck next time I get back from school

Pucey: D:

You: Dw about it

Blotches: yikes

Katie: :(

Katie: we’ll just steal you

You: Hahaha I wish

One fear: sigh

One fear: mum’s been trying

Freckles: to no avail :(

Greckles: :(

Norberta: :(

You: Well I’m here now!! And I didn’t end up in knockturn alley this time

Higgs: sorry what

You: Long story

Snake: Hmm.

You: Ugh piss off

Snake: No :)

You: :/

You: Funny story though, you were there

Snake: Elaborate on that

You: No :)

**Family tree expansion pack**

Sunday 18:34

Freckles: love it when mum goes off on us like that <3

You: Sorry :c

Greckles: nah man it’s fine we’re something the kids call, ⭑☆★ _used to it_ ★☆⭑

Quaffle: what how did you do that with the stars

Leek: i stg oliver do you not have any technical knowledge

Quaffle: absolutely none

Snake: Wow :/ better than Flint tbh

One fear: no thots, head full of quidditch plays

Quaffle: exactly

Freckles: why do I like you

Quaffle: bc mcg lets me sneak out to fly on the pitch at midnight and I enable all your dumb shit ideas <3

Freckles: :) <3

Leek: ew

Greckles: double ew

You: I love this family

Ronaldo: you’re on your own

You: :(

Ronaldo: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Crookshanks: That doesn’t mean you don’t love Harry

Ronaldo: yeah except harry

Crookshanks: … 

Ronaldo: and you

Crookshanks: thank you

Ronaldo: :)

One fear: wow ok simp

Ronaldo: :(

Bill: she’s right

Ronaldo: >:(

Norberta: Where tf are you guys

Ronaldo: my room

Freckles: hiding in the orchard

One fear: the roof

Bill: gin get down

One fear: why? Percy’s here too

Headboy: Snitch

Bill: … 

Headboy: This family is full of snitches

Headboy: Nowhere is safe

Snake: Welcome to my world

You: Yikes

Greckles: hmm too real too real

Snake: Wow sorry

Ronaldo: you’re not allowed to make us feel bad for you you’re a prick

Snake: Tragic

Ronaldo: ok Bill n Charlie where r u

Norberta: Wrre makinf teg tables fighd

Ronaldo: well at least we know there aren’t any dragons around to fry him this time

Greckles: don’t talk about mum like that ronnie

Freckles: how rude

Ronaldo: f off

Saturday 03:49

Ronaldo: fuck mornings

Freckles: who are you ordering around now

Ronaldo: you you git

Greckles: charming

Quaffle: I have an objection

Ronaldo: disgusting

Crookshanks: Ron don’t be disgusting

Ronaldo: I’m not

Crookshanks: 

One fear: never before have I felt condescension and irritation so tangible through a blank text

Freckles: Those are some big words Gin

Greckles: wait no hermione how tf did you do that

Greckles: that’s physically impossible

Freckles: shit you’re right

You: dshsf??

Quaffle: did Harry just have a stroke

You: No

Snake: I hope not

You: Oh?

Freckles: Oh?

Greckles: Oh?

Ronaldo: Oh?

Crookshanks: Oh?

One fear: Oh?

Leek: Oh?

Snake: BECAUSE THEN WHO WOULD I HAVE TO DUEL YOU TWATS

Greckles: sus

Ronaldo: sus

Freckes: sus

One fear: sus

Snake: Ugh just hurry up or you’ll miss the cup, morons

Freckles: as if

Quaffle: but do hurry up I want to see you

One fear: ew

Norberta: Some of us are trying to sleep kids

Greckles: tragic.

**You are not allowed to kill each other**

Saturday 21:23

Spinnings: !!”£”!£$%$£625!”£!£$%$4332

Bowl: FUCK ME

Katie: IRE-LAND! IRE-LAND

Blotches: not you mate

Blotches: but the _sentiment_

Greckles: AAAAAA

Angel(ina): H O L Y SHIT

Flint: Bloody Merlin

Flint: Also I thought Wood would be all over this

Greyham: wood would

Blotches: wood wood would

Norberta: He’s too busy snogging Fred (ew)

One: RON WANTS TO SHAG KRUM

Spinnings: old news

Greckles: lmao he isn’t even here to defend himself

One fear: just making sure everyone knows!

Snake: Ugh who here doesn’t

Cassandra: we all know you’re a fucking twink shut up

Katie: I am on the _floor_

Snake: That wasn’t—whatever

You: Get told

Spinnings: Harry… 

Pucey: oh Harry

You: Suddenly I can’t hear

_Several people are typing…_

Sunday 02:58

Snake: All of you need to leave the camp grounds, immediately.

Snake: Get out

**Family Tree Expansion Pack**

Sunday 03:00

Crookshanks: @Snake what is this about?

Snake: You have to leave

Snake: Please

Snake: I can’t tell you, I don’t know what they’ll do if they find out

Bill: All of you, run

Bill: NOW


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays all!!  
> I wish I was at the Yule Ball chapters already. Wouldn't that have been amazing? My sincerest regrets :')

**Lads on tour**

Sunday 16:17

Shay: so that was kinda wild yea

You: That’s one way to put it

Totspurs: Certainly didn’t expect that

Nevillle: You’re all okay, aren’t you?

Ronaldo: yeahy eah

Ronaldo: just the ministry trying to blame us for the dark mark

Shay: WHAT

You: >:/ yeah

Ronaldo: Harry’d lost his wand for crying out loud

Totspurs: What the…

Nevillle: Oh Merlin

You: We’re fine

Ronaldo: malfoy was a bit weird though

You: You know his dad was out there, so did he

Ronaldo: well that’s not the point is it?

Shay: I don’t know

Nevillle: :(

Totspurs: Bottom line is we’re all okay, yeah?

You: Yeah

Ronaldo: yea

Shay: yeah

Nevillle: Good

You: Ooh we’re playing Quidditch

You: See you later!

Shay: sure changed his tune fast eh lol

Totspurs: Can’t blame him lol

**Family tree expansion pack**

Wednesday 20:32

One fear: so is it a new Wheezes order form you’re making?

Freckles: yeah of course it is

Greckles: do you think we’d give up so easily

Freckles: homework? Peh

Quaffle: oh good

Greckles: mum’s barmy

Headboy: Homework is important!

Ronaldo: what’s the betting he and Hermione are really going off on one in private messages

Leek: really? I’d pay to see that

Freckles: politest, most passive aggressive argument you’ve ever read

Quaffle: @Headboy stop antagonising the fourteen-year-olds

Headyboy: She’s slandering Mr Crouch

Crookshanks: BECAUSE HOUSE ELVES ARE SLAVE LABOUR

Ronaldo: oh merlin

Freckles: I may stand corrected

Danny: owo

Bill: Oh here we go…

Norberta: Danny I’m going to fly back to Romania and smack you over the head 

Danny: uwu

Norberta: DANIEL

Danny: Lmao ok

Bill: No don’t stop this is hilarious

Danny: UwU

Norberta: I swear on circes tits

Snake: Just as annoying as ever, then

You: Omg

Snake: What have I done now Potter

You: No

You: Look

You: IMG_5849

One fear: djsaf fucking hell ahahahahaha

Leek: lmaooo WHAT ARE THOSE

Greckles: ronnie’s getting a new look finally

You: Dress robes!

Quaffle: Oh my word

Snake: Good Lord those are  _ dreadful _

Ronaldo: no shit

Ronaldo: please can someone fix them for me

Ronaldo:  _ please _

Ronaldo: I will owe you

Crookshanks: The girls said they’ll help once we get to school

Crookshanks: I think they’re taking it on as a personal challenge

Ronaldo: Oh no you did not send them that picture

Crookshanks: Why?

Ronaldo: fuck me

Crookshanks: Vulgar

Freckles: lmfao

Leek: incredible

One fear: I’m screaming

Snake: Well, isn’t that something

Norberta: Scream louder Gin, can’t hear ya

Ronaldo: just leave me to die, it’s okay

You: You’re not going to  _ die _

Snake: He might

You: Is that a threat?

Snake: No, his own social suicide if he ever goes anywhere wearing…  _ that _

You: True

One fear: side eyes

Ronaldo: I hate life

Bill: I mean, they aren’t soo bad

Leek: they are

Headboy: They really are

Greckles: they are

Norberta: They are

Daniel: they are

Freckles: they  _ really  _ are

Quaffle: they are

Bill: Yeah… 

Ronaldo: if you’re not going to help just shut up yeah

Bill: wow love you too

**Lads on tour**

Thursday 11:04

Totspurs: Where are you all then?

Ronaldo: follow the sound of this blasted bloody bird

You: Don’t be mean

Ronaldo: …

You: He doesn’t mean to be a pain in the arse

Shay: more like pain in the ears yeah

Ronaldo: that too

You:  _ Or _ just look for the sound of posh snob prattling

**Snake foy**

Thursday 11:06

You: You’d’ve saved us all a great lot of trouble if you  _ had _ buggered off to Durmstrang

Snake: Are you eavesdropping again Potter?

You: Again huh

Snake: With your track record

You: You think you’re so smart

Snake: You think you’re so bloody cool 

Snake: With your scar and your glasses and your, robes

You: My robes

You: My school robes, of which everyone wears exactly the same style

Snake: Yes, they’re so messy all the time

You:  _ …Et tu? _

Snake: What’s that supposed to mean

You: And you

Snake: I KNOW WHAT IT  _ MEANS _ YOU DOLT

Snake: What do you mean BY it.

You: Sorry, I forgot all posh ponces learn shit like Latin and Greek and Ancient Egyptian before they can walk

Snake: Actually I know Latin, French and Mandarin, but that’s a bit beside the point

You: Mandarin?

Snake: Well I’d have expected you to know Hindi, or another from the region. Or would it be Tamil? Sinhalese? I’ll assume you don’t know any of those

You: I don’t

You: Mandarin?

Snake: Hm

Snake: A shame

Snake: You do know parseltongue though

You: Not that I know how or why

Snake: Interesting

You: Something to do with Voldemort 

Snake: Ahh

You: Anyway, piss off to your dark magic school and leave us alone

Snake: And here I thought we were finally having a civil conversation

You: Just shut up will you

Snake: Only if you do, prat

You: I will hex you

Snake: Of course you will

You: If it weren’t for Hermione physically sitting on me to stop me leaving

Snake: Ahhh

Snake: Thank you, Granger, I’d hate to have to expend energy beating up this prick

You: She says it’s fine

You: Wtf

Snake: :)

You: >:(

Snake: :)c

You: >>:( no

Snake: :3c

Snake: >:3c

Snake: Oh it seems Granger doesn’t quite have the weight to keep you down after all

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr!](https://silverxsakura.tumblr.com/)


End file.
